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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The tabe shows how these causes affected three regions of the world the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The tabe shows how these causes affected three regions of the world the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given pie chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 information about the main causes of
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
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 field
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 less
ptoductive
Correct your spelling
productive
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the table
provide
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provides
show examples
 data about how these problems affected three areas namely North
America
Use synonyms
,
Europe
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,
Use synonyms
Oceania
Correct word choice
and Oceania
show examples
along
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the 1990s.
Overeall
Correct your spelling
Overall
, there were three reasons that causes
of
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apply
show examples
land degradation during the 1990s. The first was over-grazing (35%), followed by deforestation (30%) and over-cultivation (28%).
In addition
Linking Words
,
Europe
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 was the major region that cause deforestation with
proportion
Correct article usage
a proportion
show examples
9.8
Change preposition
of 9.8
show examples
%. The same trend
also
Linking Words
 happened in over-cultivation areas with slightly different
possition
Correct your spelling
position
positions
;
Europe
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, North
America
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,
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Oceania
Correct word choice
and Oceania
show examples
 with percentages
7.7
Change preposition
of 7.7
show examples
%, 3.3%,
0
Correct word choice
and 0
show examples
% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the highest region
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 over-grazing was
Oceania
Use synonyms
 with
percentage
Correct article usage
a percentage
show examples
11.3
Change preposition
of 11.3
show examples
%, followed by
Europe
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 (5.5%), and the
last
Linking Words
 was North
America
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 (1.5%). In conclusion, the first region that cause land degradation was
Europe
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 ( 23%), followed by
Oceania
Use synonyms
 and North
America
Use synonyms
 (5%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words america, europe, oceania with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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