IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors - agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services - to the UK economy in the twentieth century. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors - agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services - to the UK economy in the twentieth century. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts describe the proportions of three parts -
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, manufacturing, and
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and financial services - to the UK economy from 1900 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
financial
Replace the word
finances

The word financial doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 dramatically rose,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 there was a notable decline in the
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and manufacturing percentage.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, the contribution of
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
financial
Replace the word
finances

The word financial doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 increased
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily

If you don’t want steadly to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

from under 5% to over 30% by 2000
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 there was a continuous fall in
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, where the proportion declined by about 30% compared to 1900. It is remarkable that the
business
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and financial
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates

It seems that rate may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 exceeded between 1975 to 2000.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there was a sharp drop in the proportion
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 during the period from 1950 to 1975, where the
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 slumped by over 40%
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the percentage slightly recovered in 1950.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
rate
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of
agriculture
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 became under half of
manufactureing
Correct your spelling
manufacturing

If you don’t want manufactureing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

at the point of 1975.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words agriculture, business, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparative analysis
  • Declining trend
  • Agrarian economy
  • Fluctuations
  • Industrial advancements
  • Recessions
  • Significant growth
  • Service-oriented industries
  • Dynamic economic structure
  • Traditional sectors
  • Modern service-based sectors
  • Urbanization
  • Technological advancements
  • Global market integrations
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