Some people think that professional athletes make a good role models for young people,while others believe they don't. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models

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this

Linking Words

modernized era,many

youngsters

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view many

athletes

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Correct article usage

apply

show examples

role

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model

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models

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and they want to

immitate

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imitate

the way these iconic

person's

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people

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dress,act and their life

condition

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conditions

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However

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,I strongly believe that these

athletes

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arn't

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aren't

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worty

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worthy

worth

of their "

role

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model

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" status. Our valuable world and humans are changing rapidly

day

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day

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Therfore

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Therefore

,people's mind is changing too,especially

youngsters

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. They want to choose a certain iconic

persons

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person

show examples

athletes

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and they try to imitate these persons lifestyle and behaviour.These

role

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models play a vital

role

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youngsters

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youngsters'

youngster's

show examples

life.

For instance

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,they can learn how to

setting

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set

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a goal and

also

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teaches

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teach

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valuable life lessons,

such

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as teamwork as well dealing with success.Professional

athletes

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demonstrate the importance of working hard to achieve a goal or

practicing

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practising

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regularly to become good at something.

This

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a positive aspect of

children

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Correct your spelling

follow them.

Secondly

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the

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apply

show examples

role

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models not only influence on child's psychology

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apply

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but

also

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their physical condition too.

For example

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youngsters

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getting

healtier

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healthier

day

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day

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On the other hand

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,despite

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this

Correct determiner usage

these

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positive aspects,there are

the

Correct article usage

show examples

number of advantages associated with them.Professional

athletes

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are not always

good

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a good

show examples

role

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model

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.One reason for

this

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,when young

athletes

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reach a level of fame,it comes with media attention and large financial benefits.

This

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can lead

children

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belive

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believe

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that money and fame are an indispensable part of sports.

Children

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tend to focus more on these aspects,rather than how to play well or how to achieve good results.Another reason,some

athletes

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might have

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apply

show examples

bad behaviour.

For instance

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,they might be an alcoholic or take drugs to improve their performance.

This

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kind of behaviour

definetaly

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definitely

influence badly on

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children

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children's

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lifestyle. In conclusion,some people consider that many athletic

role

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models influence

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youngsters

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youngsters'

youngster's

show examples

development positively,

while

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others do not think like that.

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However

Add a comma

,However

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I'm

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

opinion of

athletes

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can be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

role

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model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

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for

children

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only if they focus on the positive aspect of playing sports.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Thu May 04 2023

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Some people think that professional athletes make a good role models for young people,while others believe they don't. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles, and so on are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

the process of Pu-erh Raw tea and Ripe tea. make a summary regarding the given diagram

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a job.On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Disscuss both sides and give your opinion.

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think is a positive or negative development?