Some people think that professional athletes make a good role models for young people,while others believe they don't. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models

this

modernized era,many

youngsters

view many

athletes

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

and they want to

immitate

Correct your spelling

imitate

the way these iconic

person's

Change noun form

people

show examples

dress,act and their life

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

However

,I strongly believe that these

athletes

arn't

Correct your spelling

aren't

show examples

worty

Correct your spelling

worthy

worth

of their "

role

model

" status. Our valuable world and humans are changing rapidly

day

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

,people's mind is changing too,especially

youngsters

. They want to choose a certain iconic

persons

Correct the article-noun agreement

person

show examples

athletes

and they try to imitate these persons lifestyle and behaviour.These

role

models play a vital

role

youngsters

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youngsters'

youngster's

show examples

life.

For instance

,they can learn how to

setting

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set

show examples

a goal and

also

teaches

Correct subject-verb agreement

teach

show examples

valuable life lessons,

such

as teamwork as well dealing with success.Professional

athletes

demonstrate the importance of working hard to achieve a goal or

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

regularly to become good at something.

This

a positive aspect of

children

Correct your spelling

follow them.

Secondly

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

role

models not only influence on child's psychology

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

their physical condition too.

For example

youngsters

getting

healtier

Correct your spelling

healthier

day

On the other hand

,despite

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

positive aspects,there are

the

Correct article usage

show examples

number of advantages associated with them.Professional

athletes

are not always

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

role

model

.One reason for

this

,when young

athletes

reach a level of fame,it comes with media attention and large financial benefits.

This

can lead

children

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that money and fame are an indispensable part of sports.

Children

tend to focus more on these aspects,rather than how to play well or how to achieve good results.Another reason,some

athletes

might have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

bad behaviour.

For instance

,they might be an alcoholic or take drugs to improve their performance.

This

kind of behaviour

definetaly

Correct your spelling

definitely

influence badly on

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

lifestyle. In conclusion,some people consider that many athletic

role

models influence

youngsters

Change noun form

youngsters'

youngster's

show examples

development positively,

while

others do not think like that.

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

I'm

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

opinion of

athletes

can be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

for

children

only if they focus on the positive aspect of playing sports.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Thu May 04 2023

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that professional athletes make a good role models for young people,while others believe they don't. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and houses in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produces all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In some culture are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and more disadvantages of giving children these massages?