The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories utilized to watch TV channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

#graphs #gadgets #individuals #age #categories #tv #channels #canada

The two pie chart

provide

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provides

show examples

information

the

Change preposition

on the

show examples

gadgets people in 18 to 25 years categories used between 2009 to 2019 in Canada.

Overall

it is clear that

conventional

dramatically decreased in 2019

First,

The highest watching

rate

was for conventional

and Laptop between 34%-20% in 2009.

In contrast

, in 2019 highest

percentage

are Flat-screen

Fix the agreement mistake

TVs

show examples

and Mobile

Phone

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Phones

show examples

between almost

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

rate

of 27% and 26%.

Second,

The lowest watching

rate

was for

Tablet

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Tablets

show examples

and Mobile

phone

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phones

show examples

between

Add an article

the rate

show examples

rate

Fix the agreement mistake

rates

show examples

of 5% and 8%.

However

, in 2019 lowest

percentage

Conventional

Correct article usage

the Conventional

show examples

rate

of 4%,

Furthermore

Add a comma

,Furthermore

show examples

tablet

Fix the agreement mistake

Tablets

show examples

dramatically raised to a

percentage

Change preposition

of 19

show examples

Third,

laptop

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laptops

show examples

gradually decreased from 20% to 12%

percentage

between

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2009 to 2019 similar to desktop

computer

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computers

show examples

decreased

Change preposition

by 18

show examples

% to 12% In conclusion,

Add an article

the behavior

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

of people in

Correct article usage

the 18

show examples

to 25 age groups in 2009 prefer to

used

Change the verb

use

show examples

Conventional

Contrast

Add a comma

,Contrast

show examples

people in 2019 prefer to Flat-screen

Fix the agreement mistake

TVs

show examples

or Mobile phone.

Submitted by sarut.kira on Thu May 04 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.

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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words tv, rate, percentage with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.

▼

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

155 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

illustrate
gadgets
utilized
age categories
watching TV channels
comparison
popularity
notable trends
increase/decrease
devices
decade
advancements in technology
user preferences
speculation
future trends
conclusion
implications
technology and media companies
lifestyle
habits
target age group

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The graphs below illustrate the gadgets individuals in the 18 to 25 age categories utilized to watch TV channels in Canada in 2009 and 2019.

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that song lyrics which glorify violence and criminal lifestyles should be banned. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of such a ban.

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?