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Writing Samples
Band 7

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
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The hot-buttoned controversy surrounding the topic of earning turnovers has polarized people into two different poles. On the one hand, an army of defendants insists that managers of well-known companies do not deserve to have better incomes.
On the other hand
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, other advocates reckon that it is plausible and required for
directors
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 to have good salaries. As far as argument goes I am in favour of the second stance for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 part of
this
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 essay depicts the reasons for the first viewpoint. It can be clearly seen that the fact that there is a fold of
directors
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 who do not have enough skills to manage their companies is a noteworthy reason. Indeed, these unqualified employees can inherit their positions from their parents
instead
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 of enhancing themselves through hard work and training like their colleagues.
Moreover
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, some workers find that their working conditions tend to be more stressful than those of their bosses.
For instance
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, my brother always has to slave away at his work rather than allocating time with his family and his pastimes at the weekend.
Whereas
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, his manager only has to spend two days per week at the office and has a trip to Hawaii every Sunday, which makes my brother jealous. In short, the defendants have their own point in thinking that supervisors should not have better incomes.
Furthermore
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, when the second viewpoint is taken into account, it can be clearly envisioned that
directors
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 should have higher salaries. First of all, the proficiency and competence of those bosses is a pretty compelling argument. Apparently, by undergoing a plentiful amount of tests can they be assigned as managers.
Furthermore
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, they undertake the operations of the corporations and will have to make these companies function
as well as
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 possible.
Moreover
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,
directors
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’ roles are likely to be more stressful.
For example
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, my acquaintance, who used to be a boss, always took responsibility for the faults of his subordinates.
Furthermore
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, he was attributed to a defect made by his colleague, which
consequently
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 led to the bankruptcy of the corporation. In conclusion, supervisors deserve to have better salaries. In a nutshell, I pen down by reconfirming that I do support the idea of claiming that
directors
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 should have better turnovers.
Submitted by vuducquangminh96 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more substantial and directly related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, with a clear progression of ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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