IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products.do you think this is a positive development or negatively development?

In certain regions of the world ,it is becoming a
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 that shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 and
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast-food
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 now give
incentive
Fix the agreement mistake
incentives
show examples
 to educational
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 to advertise their goods.In my
perfective
Use the right word
perspective
show examples
,I think
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development because most of these places promote some unhealthy
practices
Use synonyms
 like excessive
junks
Fix the agreement mistake
junk
show examples
 which can
cause
Use synonyms
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 illness to these children.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,there are demerits of
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 approach to collaborate with
authority
Correct article usage
the authority
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 to promote
such
Linking Words
 products to youngsters because at that time,they may not know the right things to take for them to
healthy
Verb problem
be healthy
show examples
Ultimately
Punctuation problem
. Ultimately
show examples
 ,these can
cause
Use synonyms
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 diseases when they grow up and can death or permanent damage to their organs.A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is a survey that was carried out in Sidney which recorded
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 deal of diabetes among young
adolescences
Replace the word
adolescents
show examples
 because they were
expose
Wrong verb form
exposed
show examples
 to some commodities that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 encouraged by their lecturers.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 can
cause
Use synonyms
 many chronic diseases like blindness,kidney failure and other medical conditions that can be detrimental
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will not promote the health of those children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,these are wrong
practices
Use synonyms
 that may not enhance the image of schools since they are
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in illegal
practices
Use synonyms
 that can encourage parents to sue the university or secondary from continuing their jobs
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 with those market products or food
does
Wrong verb form
that do
show examples
 not follow the usual standard of recommendation of routines .
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to poor
postray
Correct your spelling
portrayal
 of the academy setting and will make guardians
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
withdraw their kids from those
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
pave
Correct subject-verb agreement
paves
show examples
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 for unemployment and financial burdens.
For example
Linking Words
,a good
scenerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
 of
this
Linking Words
 happened in William
academy
Fix capitalization
Academy
show examples
,whereby
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
 of parents came together to sue the primary
school
Use synonyms
 because the
school
Use synonyms
advertise
Wrong verb form
advertised
show examples
 some sugary products to children
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 they consumed
excessiveky
Correct your spelling
excessively
 without the awareness of their parents and the
school
Use synonyms
 was closed from teaching .
Additional
Replace the word
Additionally
show examples
,schools need to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stop themselves from criminal
practices
Use synonyms
 that disrupt their image and report
such
Linking Words
 incidents to
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force to ensure
those
Correct word choice
that those
show examples
 managements are
arrest
Replace the word
arrested
show examples
 or pay for fine . To recapitulate,I think these are wrong approaches for eatery and shopping malls to give academic institution finances to broadcast their items and food because it might lead to sickness that can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause
Use synonyms
 death or lead to
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 image of the
school
Use synonyms
 that will make them
form performing
Wrong verb form
perform
show examples
 their duty .

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grammar
Use short, clear sentences. Fix grammar mistakes and keep to simple words.
coherence
Link ideas with easier transitions like first, next, also, but, however.
content
Make one idea per paragraph and back it with a clear example.
mechanics
Check place names and spellings, and end with a clear closing sentence.
content
The stance is clear and shows you feel the topic is not good.
example
You give some real examples to show your point.
structure
The essay ends with a short close that repeats your view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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