In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#happiness #relationship #friends #colleagues #work #wealth

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In today’s globalised

world

Add a comma

,world

show examples

some people believe that it is more essential for personal

happiness

Use synonyms

good relationship with

friends

Use synonyms

, family and colleagues.

Other

Fix the agreement mistake

Others

show examples

think that

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

job and wealth

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

important. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

both aspects of

this

Linking Words

issue will be elaborated.

Firs

Correct your spelling

First

show examples

according to

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

show examples

US scientists survey 60 % of people in the world feel happy if they have shelter and something for eating.

Moreover

Linking Words

, if

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

relationship with family and

friends

Use synonyms

it will help him to feel more happy and mentally strong.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, individuals who have good

link

Fix the agreement mistake

links

show examples

with family members

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

achieve their goals more often rather than others

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they know that they have supportive family and

friends

Use synonyms

behind them. Turning to the other side of

issue

Correct article usage

the issue

show examples

good link with family

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

only sours of

happiness

Use synonyms

. There are other crucial things for personal

happiness

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, good health and

well-paid

Correct article usage

a well-paid

show examples

job

also

Linking Words

make

pupil

Fix the agreement mistake

pupils

show examples

happy. If

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

everything he

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

for living,

for example

Linking Words

big

Correct article usage

a big

show examples

house,

Linking Words

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

model car, but

poor

Change preposition

in poor

show examples

health, in my opinion, there is no meaning

these

Change preposition

in these

show examples

things. I believe that

that

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

individual

Correct article usage

an individual

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

strong wealth he will achieve all his goal.

To conclude

Linking Words

all points mentioned above good relationship is important with person and family,

friends

Use synonyms

Additionally

Linking Words

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

job and wealth

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

essential for personal

happiness

Use synonyms

. In my opinion, people should keep in balance all these issues

Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on Sun May 07 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

230 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In today's modernized era, the vast majority of world suffer from several environmental complications and they are doing their best to solve it. While Certain individuals hold the view that states around the global need to get over these problems individuallly, I totally disagree and I firmly believe that countries ought to deal with them as a one nation.
7
band
In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In large cities like Bangkok, which is one of the most populous and rapidly expanding cities, there are various significant social issues, but the most serious issue is traffic congestion, which negatively affects society and individuals. In the following paragraphs, the problems caused by heavy traffic will be discussed, and potential solutions will be provided.
7
band
The growing number of overweight is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The Rising number of overweight is a crucial health concern, which carries out a serious affair. Spreading awareness through teaching physical education in school is offered as a resolution. I would agree with this statement ;however, I believe there are more convenient and effective solutions that would implemented regarding that matter.
6
band
Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. Do You Think The Benefits Of Living Away From Home Outweigh The Disadvantages?
Some university students are believed to stay with their parents while others consider living away from home. I strongly think that there are more benefits to living with parents than to living alone. Students can utilize their parents' support to extirpate many unnecessary errands.
8
band
In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?
These days, in several nations, the rate of some animal and plant species is reducing. In my opinion, this is mainly because of deforestation and poaching. Nevertheless, there are some solutions that can be implemented to deal with the decline of some animals and plants.

In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

Your opinion

Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. Do You Think The Benefits Of Living Away From Home Outweigh The Disadvantages?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?