In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#happiness #relationship #friends #colleagues #work #wealth

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In today’s globalised

world

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,world

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some people believe that it is more essential for personal

happiness

good relationship with

friends

, family and colleagues.

Other

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Others

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think that

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

job and wealth

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

important. In

this

essay

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,essay

show examples

both aspects of

this

issue will be elaborated.

Firs

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First

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according to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

US scientists survey 60 % of people in the world feel happy if they have shelter and something for eating.

Moreover

, if

person

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a person

the person

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

relationship with family and

friends

it will help him to feel more happy and mentally strong.

Furthermore

, individuals who have good

link

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links

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with family members

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

achieve their goals more often rather than others

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apply

show examples

because they know that they have supportive family and

friends

behind them. Turning to the other side of

issue

Correct article usage

the issue

show examples

good link with family

not

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is not

show examples

only sours of

happiness

. There are other crucial things for personal

happiness

For instance

, good health and

well-paid

Correct article usage

a well-paid

show examples

job

also

make

pupil

Fix the agreement mistake

pupils

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happy. If

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

everything he

need

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needs

show examples

for living,

for example

big

Correct article usage

a big

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house,

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

model car, but

poor

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in poor

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health, in my opinion, there is no meaning

these

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in these

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things. I believe that

that

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

individual

Correct article usage

an individual

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

strong wealth he will achieve all his goal.

To conclude

all points mentioned above good relationship is important with person and family,

friends

Additionally

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

job and wealth

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

essential for personal

happiness

. In my opinion, people should keep in balance all these issues

Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on Sun May 07 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

230 words

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In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

Your opinion

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people buy local food?

Robot and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. why is this happening? do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government’s responsibility. Others believe that every individual's responsibility for it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

Many people make friends through social sites and chat rooms. Others believe that it is not a good idea to make friends without meeting them face to face. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples.