In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#happiness #relationship #friends #colleagues #work #wealth

In today’s globalised

world

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,world

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some people believe that it is more essential for personal

happiness

good relationship with

friends

, family and colleagues.

Other

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Others

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think that

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

job and wealth

Add a missing verb

are more

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important. In

this

essay

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,essay

show examples

both aspects of

this

issue will be elaborated.

Firs

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First

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according to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

US scientists survey 60 % of people in the world feel happy if they have shelter and something for eating.

Moreover

, if

person

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a person

the person

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

relationship with family and

friends

it will help him to feel more happy and mentally strong.

Furthermore

, individuals who have good

link

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links

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with family members

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

achieve their goals more often rather than others

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apply

show examples

because they know that they have supportive family and

friends

behind them. Turning to the other side of

issue

Correct article usage

the issue

show examples

good link with family

not

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is not

show examples

only sours of

happiness

. There are other crucial things for personal

happiness

For instance

, good health and

well-paid

Correct article usage

a well-paid

show examples

job

also

make

pupil

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pupils

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happy. If

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

everything he

need

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needs

show examples

for living,

for example

big

Correct article usage

a big

show examples

house,

last

Correct article usage

the last

show examples

model car, but

poor

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in poor

show examples

health, in my opinion, there is no meaning

these

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in these

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things. I believe that

that

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

individual

Correct article usage

an individual

show examples

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

strong wealth he will achieve all his goal.

To conclude

all points mentioned above good relationship is important with person and family,

friends

Additionally

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

job and wealth

also

Add a missing verb

are also

show examples

essential for personal

happiness

. In my opinion, people should keep in balance all these issues

Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on Sun May 07 2023

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Your opinion

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

230 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

Your opinion

Information technology enable many people to do their chores outside their workplace (e.g at home or while travelling) do the benefits outweigh the disadvantages

Write an IELTS essay writing task "There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?"

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people prefer to live in a small town. Others prefer to live in a big city. Which place would you prefer to live in? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

If you could take a trip anywhere in the world, where would you go?