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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below show changes in student enrollment by degree at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below show changes in student enrollment by degree at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #changes #student #enrollment #university #canada #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart contains data concerning the number of students who enrolled in
Use synonyms
degree
Add an article
a degree
show examples
 at a university in Canada in 1980 and 2000.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 there are significant changes in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of student
enrollment
Use synonyms
 from sector to sector in the given period. Looking at the pie chart more closely, one can see that the dominant sector in enrolling was the
degree
Use synonyms
 for Bachelor in 1980 and 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the figures for
enrollment
Use synonyms
 in
Bachelor
Fix the agreement mistake
Bachelors
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 declined considerably by 34%p from 76
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 in 1980 to 42
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percentage
Replace the word
percent
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 in 2000. That was a decrease of almost half.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, student
enrollment
Use synonyms
 in Master's degrees almost quadrupled, increasing by about 26
percentage
Use synonyms
 points. Even though there was a significant
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 over the 20-year period. It was smaller than
enrollment
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Bachelor's
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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,
also
Linking Words
 in 2000.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 associate
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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also
Linking Words
 went up by 5
percentage
Use synonyms
 points. The figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doctoral
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 showed an increase
by
Change preposition
of
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 3% points.
Submitted by bebuls on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words degree, percentage, enrollment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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