IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Young people are often the first to suffer when job opportunities are scarce. In which ways does age affect employment opportunities ? how might employers deal with the issue fairly ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience .

#people #first #job #opportunities #age #employment #employers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, majority of the young
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 the jobs they want in order to earn.
Thus
Linking Words
 some of them can have
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 situation impacts employees' opportunities so as to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 and
knowledge
Use synonyms
. Employers and well -
Use synonyms
experience
Correct your spelling
experienced
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should instruct them how to deal with these problems. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss why young employees frequently find it difficult when
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities are scarce and provide relevant examples from my own
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
. Nowadays numerous
youngs
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
jobs over the world
due to
Linking Words
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
money. After they graduate
universities
Change preposition
from universities
show examples
 they get
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 or magisterial degrees. After
then
Linking Words
 they try to find the
job
Use synonyms
 that they want so as to earn. Most of them desire
well-paid
Correct article usage
a well-paid
show examples
 and
good condition
Add a hyphen
good-condition
show examples
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 and
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, they find it difficult to
work
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 some of them cannot deal with their employers.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can leave their
work
Use synonyms
 because of not
to deal
Change the verb form
dealing
show examples
 with it.
For example
Linking Words
,
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 employee leaves a
job
Use synonyms
 so that he or she does not manage to
work
Use synonyms
 there.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 employers and
well-
Correct your spelling
well-experienced
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 workers should cooperate with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young employees. They ought to give their excellent advice to the person who is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 worker comes to
work
Use synonyms
 in the office they are not able to deal with their
job
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 they have
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about
work
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 senior workers should advise them
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 there and how to deal with colleges. Their advice can
useful
Add a missing verb
be useful
show examples
 for young
people
Use synonyms
 in order to
work
Use synonyms
 their
job
Use synonyms
 for a long time. In conclusion, nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 cannot
work
Use synonyms
 somewhere as they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 and
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 their boss and senior workers should give them beneficial advice in order to not suffer from
lack
Use synonyms
 of
experience
Use synonyms
. I have tried to my handy answers and provide relevant answers to the questions.
Submitted by dilshod333d on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: