IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts show how the students at one university spent their savings in 2010 compared to 2000, giving the percentages spent on average in seven different areas. By far, the most significant outlay by the students in both years was on Food and drink consumed at home, which accounted for 29% of
overall
Linking Words
expenditure
Use synonyms
 in both 2010 and 2000.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on Sports and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 and on Holidays remained unaltered in
terms
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
. The most noticeable feature was the drop in the proportion of money spent on Clothing, which experienced a significant decline falling from 16% in 2000 to 5% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, students’
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on Transport and Eating out saw a slight growth, to 9% and 8% respectively. In
parti- cular
Correct your spelling
particular
show examples
, the latter was noteworthy because, though it started from the lowest base (4%), it outstripped spending on both Holidays and Clothing in 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
, the Utilities area
also
Linking Words
 grew in
terms
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
, jumping from 21% in 2000 to 27% in 2010. By far, the most noticeable feature is the dramatic drop in the proportion of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on Clothing. It experienced a significant decline, with a fall from 16% in 2000 to 5% in 2010, a drop of approximately one-third of the initial value in
terms
Use synonyms
 of
percentage
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, spending on Eating Out rose from 4% in 2000 to 8% in 2010, exactly twofold the initial value in
percentage
Use synonyms
terms
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the outlay by students on Utilities (electricity/water) increased sharply from 21% to 27%. Expenses on Sports and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
, Holidays and Food and drink (home) hold steady across the decade.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, terms, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion of expenditure
  • Revenue
  • Categories
  • Significant changes
  • Spending habits
  • Relatively stable
  • Inflation
  • Lifestyle
  • Investments
  • Academic materials
  • Entertainment
  • Accommodation
  • Utilities
  • Food
  • Transportation
  • Miscellaneous expenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: