IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #children #activities #computer #games
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These days, for many people, especially
children
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, it has become normal to spend more and more
time
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 playing on a computer
instead
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 of outdoor activities. Some believe that playing outside is more essential than engaging in
video
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games
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 idea,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
this
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 essay, I
wil
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will
 support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
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, when
children
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 play
video
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games
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 at home they avoid being involved in street gangs. Youngsters are busy
,
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apply
show examples
 and spend their destructive energy or even their angst and fury in the safest way possible: they express it online. It is well-known, that in the world the criminal rate decreased partly thanks to that
children
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 prefer to stay and home and play computer
games
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 alternatively going out and being affected by the influence of bad companies .
In other words
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, they do not have
time
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 or interest to participate in crime. Another reason I disagree with the argument is that modern
children
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 live in a world of technology and they must know them well and learn to use them in the most effective way.
That is
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 to say,
video
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games
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 are a good course of action to get familiar with technologies and to have the experience to communicate and coordinate online.
Besides
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, they develop imagination.
For example
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, Minecraft, which is one of the most popular
games
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 among
children
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, allows players to imagine, design, and create anything they dream up.
On the other hand
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, there is an opinion that little ones spend too little
time
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 outside, and that harms their physical and mental health, but it does not mean that they play at home all the
time
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.
Children
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 regularly go outside, just not for long. In conclusion,
although
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 it is a common belief that outdoor activities are important, I believe it is crucial for
children
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 to learn online communication , and
video
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games
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 are one of the most effective methods to do it. Personally, I think that there is more good than bad in playing them
instead
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 of being outdoors.
Submitted by natallia.khrenava on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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