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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

percentage of Australian men and women doing regular physical activity: 2010

#percentage #australian #men #women #activity
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The given chart
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 the people who did exercise regularly in Australia in the early decades of the
twenty first
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twenty-first
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 century.
According to
Linking Words
 the
charts
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,charts
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 the percentage of
women
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 who did physical activities from
age
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 25 to 45 shows a slight increase and it had reached from 48.9 to 53.3 respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same
age
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group
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 for
men
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,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
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 experiences a fluctuation and changes from 42.2 to 39.5 and
finally
Linking Words
 43.1 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
 in the
age
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group
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 from 55 to
64
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,64
show examples
 the amount of doing different sports among
women
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 is approximately 8 per cent more than
men
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, its 53 per cent.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 for the
age
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group
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 65 and over, the percentage for both sexes is roughly the same and it shows 46.7 and 47.1 for
men
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 and
women
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 for the youngest
age
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group
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 which is 15 to
24
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,24
show examples
 we can see that the statistics for
men
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is
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are
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 more than
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women
Change preposition
for women
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.
in
Correct your spelling
In
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 fact it's just over 52 per cent for
male
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males
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 and 47.7 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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.
Overall
Linking Words
 except
of
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for
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 the youngest
group
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 the percentage of physical activities for
women
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 is more than
Use synonyms
men
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for men
show examples
 in all
age
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 groups.
Submitted by aamin.1245 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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