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Band 2.5

percentage of Australian men and women doing regular physical activity: 2010

#percentage #australian #men #women #activity
The given chart
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 the people who did exercise regularly in Australia in the early decades of the
twenty first
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
show examples
 century.
According to
 the
charts
Add a comma
,charts
show examples
 the percentage of
women
 who did physical activities from
age
 25 to 45 shows a slight increase and it had reached from 48.9 to 53.3 respectively.
In contrast
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same
age
group
 for
men
,
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 experiences a fluctuation and changes from 42.2 to 39.5 and
finally
 43.1 respectively.
In addition
 in the
age
group
 from 55 to
64
Add a comma
,64
show examples
 the amount of doing different sports among
women
 is approximately 8 per cent more than
men
, its 53 per cent.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 for the
age
group
 65 and over, the percentage for both sexes is roughly the same and it shows 46.7 and 47.1 for
men
 and
women
.
On the other hand
 for the youngest
age
group
 which is 15 to
24
Add a comma
,24
show examples
 we can see that the statistics for
men
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more than
women
Change preposition
for women
show examples
.
in
Correct your spelling
In
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 fact it's just over 52 per cent for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and 47.7 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Overall
 except
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the youngest
group
 the percentage of physical activities for
women
 is more than
men
Change preposition
for men
show examples
 in all
age
 groups.
Submitted by aamin.1245 on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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