Some people think that strick punishment for driving offences are key to reducing traffic accidents. Others however believe that other measures would improve road safety. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #strick #punishment #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety

Nowadays and age

road

accidents were

main

Change the article

the main

show examples

problem for human life. Some

people

believe that by high fines

this

problem can be solved. Others consider that other precautions would improve

road

safety. In

this

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will discuss both sides of

this

argument and will include my own opinion.

First,

I agree with

this

statement that punishment can help

reducing

Wrong verb form

reduce

show examples

traffic accidents.

People

will follow

rules

if they will not drive attentively on

road

Correct article usage

the road

show examples

Moreover

people

who drive by taking alcohol or drug

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

have to

arrested

Add a missing verb

be arrested

show examples

, pay big amount of money and

driving

Correct article usage

a driving

show examples

license have to

taken

Add a missing verb

be taken

show examples

from them.

People

will fear and obey

rules

Change preposition

show examples

this

way. Turning to the other side of the argument, In my opinion, there

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

should be other precautions.

For instance

road

rules

should teach children

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

secondary schools.

Besides

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should promote

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues on TV, radio, and on postcards. In

additionally

Replace the word

addition

show examples

, there is

other

Change the wording

another

show examples

problem that government should solve. The exam for

driving

Add an article

a driving

show examples

license should be transparent and

fear

Replace the word

fearful

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

this

way,

people

who know

rules

Correct article usage

the rules

show examples

better

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will pass

exam

Add an article

the exam

an exam

show examples

To conclude

all mentioned above for

road

safety

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

should be strict punishment and at the same time there are other measures for

road

Add an article

the road

show examples

For example

, advertisements about

road

safety should promote everywhere.

Submitted by nargiz.nagiyeva0101 on Fri May 12 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

214 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that strick punishment for driving offences are key to reducing traffic accidents. Others however believe that other measures would improve road safety. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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