IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people belied that manufacturer and supermarkets should reduce the amount of packaged products. Other think that consumers should avoid buying packaged goods. Discuss both views and give youropnioin. Give relevant examples and experience to back up your points

#people #manufacturer #supermarkets #amount #products #consumers #goods #youropnioin #points
Certain
Change the article
A certain
The certain
show examples
 number of individuals have it that producers and wholesalers have the right to decrease the number of items they package others argue that individuals who buy these
products
 should desist from purchasing items with much branding. In my opinion, in as much as people who make these
products
 have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to minimize the rate of rapping of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
goods
, retailers should stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
buying
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
goods
.
To begin
 with, humans who produce and distribute in large sizes have the responsibility to reduce the rate at which they present their
products
 in other to suit the buyers because they are solely in charge of that.
For instance
, Kim biscuits
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 one of the best biscuits in my area along the
way
, the company changed hand in their packaging and retailer noticed that the
way
 in which
this
snacks
Change the determiner
snack
show examples
 was been presented changed, a good number of persons had to lay complains to them which the company go back to their previous
way
.
On the other hand
,
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
 who purchases
this
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
products
also
 should withdraw when these
products
 are been presented in a wrong and uncomfortable
way
 as it will help make the manufacturers of these
goods
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
sit up and improve.
For example
, I want
had
Change the verb form
to be had
having
show examples
this
 lady that supplies hair to me, at some point I noticed that her method of packing
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 item
wihich
Correct your spelling
which
 I bought from her changed,
I
Correct word choice
and I
show examples
stopped purchasing my wigs from her. After two or three months she noticed I stopped
pertronizing
Correct your spelling
patronizing
 her so she decided to call me. During the
conversation
Add a comma
,conversation
show examples
 I gave her my reason which she promised to change and she did. To sum it up, when people tend not to be okay with the packaging of
goods
 they purchase, they should desist from buying them in order to make the manufacturer double their efforts.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: