IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #ban #sports #freedom #activity
There have been conflicting opinions about risky physical
activities
, either the authorities put a stop or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 personnel should have the liberty to participate in these
activities
.
This
 essay will explain both views and
emphasis
Correct article usage
an emphasis
show examples
 on why individuals should choose the activity they want will be discussed. If public leaders formulate policies to abolish unsafe sports, there will be
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 incidence of athletic injuries. The rate at which sportsmen sustain injuries from
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
 is alarming.
Theses
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
 deformation takes longer to get healed and skilled medical personnel are needed to provide care. The resources required
also
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on the severity of the alteration in body parts.
For instance
, a classmate in my secondary school whose hip was displaced
while
 participating in a long jump required treatments worth millions of naira. The inability to provide the funds resulted in complications of the health conditions which could have been avoided if he did not participate in the long jump.
People
 should be privileged to perform
activities
 because they feel it has benefits to the body system. Medically, it is important to exercise the body so as to promote
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
 functioning of the organs. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones have applications called
health
Correct your spelling
Health
show examples
 where
people
 enter their details and daily
activities
 done by the user is being recorded. At times, the app function to notify the user
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 for
additional
Add an article
an additional
show examples
 walk before the end of the day. In my opinion, individuals should have a right to get involved in athletics that interest them. A number of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 sources of income
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 from
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
activities
 they participate in and they get paid for their outstanding performances.
Also
,
people
 get famous and popular from sporting events. In conclusion, banning nasty physical
activities
 or persons willing
participate
Fix the infinitive
to participate
show examples
 in athletics has
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 merits.
However
, everyone should have the liberty to indulge in what
interest
Change the verb form
interests
show examples
 them and is perceived to be beneficial.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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