IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #ban #sports #freedom #activity
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There have been conflicting opinions about risky physical
activities
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, either the authorities put a stop or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 personnel should have the liberty to participate in these
activities
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both views and
emphasis
Correct article usage
an emphasis
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 on why individuals should choose the activity they want will be discussed. If public leaders formulate policies to abolish unsafe sports, there will be
lower
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a lower
show examples
 incidence of athletic injuries. The rate at which sportsmen sustain injuries from
sport
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sports
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activities
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 is alarming.
Theses
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These
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 deformation takes longer to get healed and skilled medical personnel are needed to provide care. The resources required
also
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depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on the severity of the alteration in body parts.
For instance
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, a classmate in my secondary school whose hip was displaced
while
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 participating in a long jump required treatments worth millions of naira. The inability to provide the funds resulted in complications of the health conditions which could have been avoided if he did not participate in the long jump.
People
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 should be privileged to perform
activities
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 because they feel it has benefits to the body system. Medically, it is important to exercise the body so as to promote
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
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 functioning of the organs. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones have applications called
health
Correct your spelling
Health
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 where
people
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 enter their details and daily
activities
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 done by the user is being recorded. At times, the app function to notify the user
of
Correct your spelling
if
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 there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
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 for
additional
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an additional
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 walk before the end of the day. In my opinion, individuals should have a right to get involved in athletics that interest them. A number of
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 sources of income
is
Change the verb form
are
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 from
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
activities
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 they participate in and they get paid for their outstanding performances.
Also
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,
people
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 get famous and popular from sporting events. In conclusion, banning nasty physical
activities
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 or persons willing
participate
Fix the infinitive
to participate
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 in athletics has
it
Change the pronoun
its
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 merits.
However
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, everyone should have the liberty to indulge in what
interest
Change the verb form
interests
show examples
 them and is perceived to be beneficial.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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