IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the average number of visitors entering museum in summer and winter in 2003

The line graph shows the average number of visitors entering museum in summer and winter in 2003
The line graph reveals information on how folks visited
museumsin
Correct your spelling
museums in
 two different weather(  cold and hot)
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 in the year 2003 in the UK. It is measured in thousand.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the majority of society
isit
Correct your spelling
visit
 the museum during hot weather
while
Linking Words
 the statistic
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 and
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
of society that went during
thev
Correct your spelling
the
 cold
periodsare
Correct your spelling
periods are
periods
 lesser.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it can be seen that there is a surge in the figure of
community
Add an article
the community
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 who
stopoverfrom
Correct your spelling
stopover from
stopover-from
 0- 1300 visitors at 1000 times.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it later
becamen
Correct your spelling
became
 declining from 1400 visitors to 900 at 1100 times of vacation till 1500 times of
visit
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 was a surge decline in
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 of
visitation
Replace the word
visits
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
 of hot weather was a little increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of people paying
Use synonyms
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 to
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
 and the
number
Use synonyms
 of visiting
time
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 note unstable movement from 1000
time
Use synonyms
 of
visit
Use synonyms
 to 1200.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 there is
drastic
Correct article usage
a drastic
show examples
 fall in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 from 1100 - 1400
while
Linking Words
continue
Change the form of the verb
continuing
show examples
 to maintain static movement from 1500 _1800.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visit, number, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "surge" was used 2 times.
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