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Band 4.5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
Workforce
Add an article
The workforce
A workforce
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 of every cooperation is considered as its fountain. The large scale firms render comparatively more revenues to managers than other employees.
Certain
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A certain
The certain
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 number of masses
asserts
Correct subject-verb agreement
assert
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 it to be mandatory
however
, other schools of
though
Correct your spelling
thought
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 reckon it as unjustified.
This
 essay will shed light upon both aspects
along with
 my perspective. First and foremost, the most prominent reason is that the directors of the companies have more responsibilities than their juniors. They supervise
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 team to acquire productive results. Whether organisations award them with lucrative to
company
Add an article
the company
a company
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due to
 their efforts or not,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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they definitely consider them responsible for any
lose
Replace the word
loss
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 in the firm.
Moreover
, the
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 of
higher ranked
Add a hyphen
higher-ranked
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
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 and
experience
Correct pronoun usage
their experience
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 are
also
 considered
while
 appointing them. They have mastery in their respective field as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other members of
organisation
Add an article
the organisation
an organisation
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. Eventually, it is entirely relevant to allocate more income
package
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packages
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 to them. Moving
further
, the opponents of
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 view
critics
Replace the word
criticise
show examples
this
 discrimination. The supportive reason can be that other employees
also
 worked hard for more productivity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their company. More specifically, they
also
 work full-time to complete their task and even, it is impossible for the supervisor to accomplish the goals without the assistance of their subordinates.
For instance
,
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
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consumed
Verb problem
conducted
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Axis
bank
Capitalize word
Bank
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 of India showcased that manager usually
achieve
Change the verb form
achieves
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 their targets by transferring
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 among their junior colleagues. In Conclusion,
as per
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion, it is requisite to give money
according to
 their designation because it makes the workers competitive in nature so that they can compete with their peers to gain promotions and
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
 and ultimately, they become more progressive.
Submitted by pawanthind419 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether directors' high salaries are necessary or unfair. However, some parts of the essay could be further developed to provide a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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