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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
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Workforce
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The workforce
A workforce
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 of every cooperation is considered as its fountain. The large scale firms render comparatively more revenues to managers than other employees.
Certain
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A certain
The certain
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 number of masses
asserts
Correct subject-verb agreement
assert
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 it to be mandatory
however
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, other schools of
though
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thought
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 reckon it as unjustified.
This
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 essay will shed light upon both aspects
along with
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 my perspective. First and foremost, the most prominent reason is that the directors of the companies have more responsibilities than their juniors. They supervise
whole
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the whole
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 team to acquire productive results. Whether organisations award them with lucrative to
company
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the company
a company
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due to
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 their efforts or not,
but
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apply
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they definitely consider them responsible for any
lose
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loss
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 in the firm.
Moreover
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, the
qualification
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qualifications
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 of
higher ranked
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higher-ranked
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person
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persons
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 and
experience
Correct pronoun usage
their experience
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 are
also
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 considered
while
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 appointing them. They have mastery in their respective field as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to other members of
organisation
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the organisation
an organisation
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. Eventually, it is entirely relevant to allocate more income
package
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packages
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 to them. Moving
further
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, the opponents of
former
Correct article usage
the former
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 view
critics
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criticise
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this
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 discrimination. The supportive reason can be that other employees
also
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 worked hard for more productivity
of
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in
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 their company. More specifically, they
also
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 work full-time to complete their task and even, it is impossible for the supervisor to accomplish the goals without the assistance of their subordinates.
For instance
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,
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
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consumed
Verb problem
conducted
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in
Change preposition
by
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 Axis
bank
Capitalize word
Bank
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 of India showcased that manager usually
achieve
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achieves
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 their targets by transferring
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 among their junior colleagues. In Conclusion,
as per
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in
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 my opinion, it is requisite to give money
according to
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 their designation because it makes the workers competitive in nature so that they can compete with their peers to gain promotions and
bonus
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bonuses
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 and ultimately, they become more progressive.
Submitted by pawanthind419 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether directors' high salaries are necessary or unfair. However, some parts of the essay could be further developed to provide a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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