Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Workforce
Add an article
The workforce
A workforce
show examples
of every cooperation is considered as its fountain. The large scale firms render comparatively more revenues to managers than other employees.
Certain
Change the article
A certain
The certain
show examples
number of masses
asserts
Correct subject-verb agreement
assert
show examples
it to be mandatory
however
, other schools of
though
Correct your spelling
thought
show examples
reckon it as unjustified.
This
essay will shed light upon both aspects
along with
my perspective. First and foremost, the most prominent reason is that the directors of the companies have more responsibilities than their juniors. They supervise
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
team to acquire productive results. Whether organisations award them with lucrative to
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
due to
their efforts or not,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they definitely consider them responsible for any
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
in the firm.
Moreover
, the
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
of
higher ranked
Add a hyphen
higher-ranked
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
and
experience
Correct pronoun usage
their experience
show examples
are
also
considered
while
appointing them. They have mastery in their respective field as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to other members of
organisation
Add an article
the organisation
an organisation
show examples
. Eventually, it is entirely relevant to allocate more income
package
Fix the agreement mistake
packages
show examples
to them. Moving
further
, the opponents of
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
view
critics
Replace the word
criticise
show examples
this
discrimination. The supportive reason can be that other employees
also
worked hard for more productivity
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
their company. More specifically, they
also
work full-time to complete their task and even, it is impossible for the supervisor to accomplish the goals without the assistance of their subordinates.
For instance
,
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
consumed
Verb problem
conducted
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
Axis
bank
Capitalize word
Bank
show examples
of India showcased that manager usually
achieve
Change the verb form
achieves
show examples
their targets by transferring
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
among their junior colleagues. In Conclusion,
as per
Change preposition
in
show examples
my opinion, it is requisite to give money
according to
their designation because it makes the workers competitive in nature so that they can compete with their peers to gain promotions and
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
and ultimately, they become more progressive.
Submitted by pawanthind419 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on whether directors' high salaries are necessary or unfair. However, some parts of the essay could be further developed to provide a more balanced argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: