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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that computer games should be banned because they have a number of disadvantages. Other thinks that they have a lot of advantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #computer #games
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Although
Linking Words
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 are looked down
by
Change preposition
upon by
show examples
 our modern society, still there are many
people
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 who believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to be beneficial. Similar to the disadvantages of
computer
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games
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, it contains some advantages too. On the one hand, children who play
computer
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games
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the concentration and attention level of a person to a greater extent. Some
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 playing
computer
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games
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not just about pressing buttons. Some video
games
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 are required to have analytics
skills
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 to solve problems.
This
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 can help to improve their logical thinking
skills
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.
Secondly
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, research
have
Change the verb form
has
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 shown playing
computer
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games
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 can effectively
relief
Replace the word
relieve
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 stress as a form of entertainment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, children who constantly
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 without self-control often become too
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to
computer
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games
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.
Secondly
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, Constant playing
computer
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games
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 has a tendency to cause various psychological disorders
such
Linking Words
 as
people
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 who suffer from anxiety, stress or even depression.
Additionally
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,
while
Linking Words
 playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 are
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 to improve concentration and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
skills
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 but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can cause serious
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their education.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 can help generate huge opportunities and sources of income for thousands of
people
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. They are entertaining
as well as
Linking Words
 develop our cognitive
skills
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.
However
Linking Words
, excess of anything is bad so are
computer
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games
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. It leads to many health problems and distracts us from our life goals In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view about
computer
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games
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. I believe it would be better for parents to keep an eye on their children when they are playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 when their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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 haven't fully developed yet.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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