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Band 4

Some people think that computer games should be banned because they have a number of disadvantages. Other thinks that they have a lot of advantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #computer #games
Although
computer
games
 are looked down
by
Change preposition
upon by
show examples
 our modern society, still there are many
people
 who believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to be beneficial. Similar to the disadvantages of
computer
games
, it contains some advantages too. On the one hand, children who play
computer
games
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the concentration and attention level of a person to a greater extent. Some
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 playing
computer
games
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not just about pressing buttons. Some video
games
 are required to have analytics
skills
 to solve problems.
This
 can help to improve their logical thinking
skills
.
Secondly
, research
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 shown playing
computer
games
 can effectively
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
 stress as a form of entertainment.
On the other hand
, children who constantly
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
computer
games
 without self-control often become too
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to
computer
games
.
Secondly
, Constant playing
computer
games
 has a tendency to cause various psychological disorders
such
 as
people
 who suffer from anxiety, stress or even depression.
Additionally
,
while
 playing
computer
games
 are
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 to improve concentration and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
skills
 but
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can cause serious
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their education.
Finally
, in my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
computer
games
 can help generate huge opportunities and sources of income for thousands of
people
. They are entertaining
as well as
 develop our cognitive
skills
.
However
, excess of anything is bad so are
computer
games
. It leads to many health problems and distracts us from our life goals In conclusion, despite
people
 having different
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of view about
computer
games
. I believe it would be better for parents to keep an eye on their children when they are playing
computer
games
 when their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 haven't fully developed yet.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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