IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentages of males and females with higher education qualifications in 5 countries in 2001.

The chart below shows the percentages of males and females with higher education qualifications in 5 countries in 2001.
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The given bar chart illustrates the proportions of men and
women
Use synonyms
 who graduated
higher
Change preposition
from higher
show examples
 education in 5 different countries namely: Japan,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States, Switzerland, Britain and Germany in 2001. In general,
while
Linking Words
 the percentages of males in Switzerland and females in Germany shared the highest
figure
Use synonyms
, the opposite was true for
women
Use synonyms
 in Japan. Looking at the chart for more detail, there was only a quarter of graduated
women
Use synonyms
 in Japan, which was the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both genders in 5 countries and about 40% of men in
this
Linking Words
 nation finished their courses.
Besides
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there was around 45% of men in Switzerland graduated
higher
Change preposition
from higher
show examples
 education, which was the highest
figure
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
 was significantly lower by 10% to reach 35%. Moving to Germany, females in
this
Linking Words
 country graduated higher courses at 45%. Meanwhile, these statistics for the U.S. and Britain were remarkably lower
to reach
Change the verb form
reaching
show examples
 40% and a
third,
Linking Words
respectively.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the meantime, the percentages of males in these 3
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 countries were at the same amount of 35% in 2001.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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