IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society? As world is moving forward towards the revolution of science and technological advancements.

#students #science #subjects #university #countries #effects #society #world #revolution #advancements
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Emergence
Add an article
The emergence
show examples
 of new research and development is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
clear evidence of
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 matter.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in some societies student's lack of interest in
science
Use synonyms
 is a major concern. There are numerous reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem. One of the major problems that students don't
intent
Replace the word
intend
show examples
 to select the
science
Use synonyms
 subject for
further
Linking Words
 studies is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 of difficulty. The study curriculum is designed in a tough way which compels students to go for either arts subjects or other information technology topics
such
Linking Words
 as computer studies.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that the outbreak of information technology is another reason, as society offers more
jobs
Use synonyms
 related to computer engineering. High scale salary is offered to IT related
jobs
Use synonyms
 and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 a common perception for the demand of more
computer related
Add a hyphen
computer-related
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
. Another main reason is now youngsters
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a deep interest in entrepreneurship. Learners are more inclined towards selecting business modules at
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
level
Use synonyms
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 the students with leadership mindset
Correct pronoun usage
who tends
show examples
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to avoid
science
Use synonyms
 subjects.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can have
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 major effects on society. With the rise of population and
emergence
Correct article usage
the emergence
show examples
 of fatal
diseases
Add a comma
,diseases
show examples
 there is a constant need for more doctors and medical staff, shortage of
these medical professional
Change the determiner
this medical professional
these medical professionals
show examples
 can create a chaotic situation in society.
Shortage
Correct article usage
A shortage
show examples
 of
science
Use synonyms
 teachers is another problem which could occur,
unavailability
Correct article usage
the unavailability
show examples
 of
science
Use synonyms
 professionals can lead to
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 institutions and universities. Progress towards new research and development in sectors
such
Linking Words
 as astronomy and advanced medicine could be impacted,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 these areas are
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 focus of scientists in
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 era. There is a need for awareness programs at
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 to create interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 in
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 generation. Media can play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role in
this
Linking Words
 cause. Higher authorities of education need to check the complexity
level
Use synonyms
 of
science
Use synonyms
 studies at all levels.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 there is a role of parents and teachers to convey the importance of
science
Use synonyms
 subject and its
overall
Linking Words
 impact on career. Efforts
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 required on
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 to create more
jobs
Use synonyms
 related to
science
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by vajeeha.kamran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: