IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages.

#pace #life #people #food #meals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that in recent years the number of
people
 buying junk
food
 is increasing rapidly. Society's
people
 are divided into groups and
therefore
, whether fast
food
's pros surpass its cons has become a topic of debate. Supporting the first school of thought, one of the key and foremost reasons is that fast
food
 is cheap and accessible.
For instance
, nowadays
people
 are busy with life essentials and have barely amount of time to cook.
Moreover
, in older age, women tend
tonot
Correct your spelling
to not
 work and their main responsibility was to take care of the house and children ,
while
 in modern generations women not only work at home but
also
 build their careers.
Secondly
, prepared
food
 is tasteful
due to
 the high amount of sodium and sugar resulting in more and more
people
 being addicted to enormous delightful sugar flavour.
On the other hand
, junk
food
 contains poor nutrient benefits.
For example
, if a person ate a big mac meal the number of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
calories is more than 1300
while
 if the same meal was prepared at home the number of calories will be cut in half and the percentage of protein will be doubled.
Moreover
, fast
food
 creates many diseases especially if consumed daily as a main meal.These medical illnesses include
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 diabetes, obesity and bone weakness . To illustrate more, in
this
 decade,
people
 dying from diabetes increased by more than a quarter
according to
 the
last
 study conducted at the University of Jordan.
To sum up
, in my personal view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of fast
food
outraces
Change the verb form
outrace
show examples
 its advantages.
Submitted by mabuzayedfamily on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: