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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production in a country in two years

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production in a country in two years
#show #comparison #kinds #energy #production #country #two #years
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The pie charts illustrate various types of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 2005 in a country. To make
energy
Use synonyms
, several ingredients were needed
such
Linking Words
 as coal,
gas
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
petro
Correct your spelling
petrol
, nuclear and others.
Overall
Linking Words
, coal and
gas
Use synonyms
 occupied over 50
percentages
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of power
production
Use synonyms
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in two years. As
petro
Use synonyms
 was decreased
while
Linking Words
 all of
other
Add an article
the other
show examples
 types were
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 in 2005. Given chart in 1995, the most
energy
Use synonyms
 was
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 by coal and
gas
Use synonyms
, respectively 29.80% and 29.63%. The second material was
petro
Use synonyms
, it was in
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of 29.27%. In
turns
Fix the agreement mistake
turn
show examples
, nuclear and others were respectively 6.40% and 4.90%. To
campare
Correct your spelling
compare
 in two years, there were some similarities. In 2005, it was the same shape that coal and
gas
Use synonyms
 occupied the largest proportion
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
, resulted over 60% of it.
Also
Linking Words
, nuclear and other kinds of power
also
Linking Words
 increased. Especially, other types of
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 increased double times
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 in 1995. Not all kinds of
energy
Use synonyms
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
, except
petro
Use synonyms
 was decreased
around
Change preposition
by around
show examples
 10%.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, production, gas, petro with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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