IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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The community believe that having a lovable
job
Use synonyms
 is more essential than getting
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
of
salary
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, meanwhile, another society has an opinion that having a good fee brings
people
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 a better future.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both arguments and state why I personally think that a comfortable
job
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 is more vital. On the one hand, citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 like their
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 commonly do not think about their
salary
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 as long as it can fill their needs, and an enjoyable
job
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 leads
people
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 to be more creative. Folks
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 love their
job
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, naturally have more motivation to
gain
Verb problem
improve
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 their performance and a desire to make their workplace more successful.
For instance
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, a teacher
,
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apply
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 consistently finds out the best method to encourage the pupils to love mathematics. As for the result, creativity will enhance the
people
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's innovation and it supports their working environment will be more comfortable.
On the other hand
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, employees who have a high in payment, have a bigger opportunity to spend their money for their needs. A good
salary
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 worker can fulfil their primary needs with a high standard
such
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 as a 2-storey big house and a good car.
Furthermore
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, they have the possibility to send their kids to prestigious schools and even to talent courses after school like singing, dancing, and others. Indeed with their fee, they wish that their offspring's life will be better and
wealth
Correct your spelling
wealthier
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. In sum,
although
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 a big
salary
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 has a big impact on the future,
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
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 work life is more important to live.
People
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 who like their
job
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 will get more happiness without being burdened to earn a lot of money.
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task response
Please work on structuring your essays with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Additionally, make sure to address the essay prompt directly and provide comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use transition words to guide the reader through your arguments and connect your ideas cohesively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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