IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
The community believe that having a lovable
job
 is more essential than getting
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
of
salary
, meanwhile, another society has an opinion that having a good fee brings
people
 a better future.
This
 essay will explain both arguments and state why I personally think that a comfortable
job
 is more vital. On the one hand, citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 like their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 commonly do not think about their
salary
 as long as it can fill their needs, and an enjoyable
job
 leads
people
 to be more creative. Folks
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 love their
job
, naturally have more motivation to
gain
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 their performance and a desire to make their workplace more successful.
For instance
, a teacher
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 consistently finds out the best method to encourage the pupils to love mathematics. As for the result, creativity will enhance the
people
's innovation and it supports their working environment will be more comfortable.
On the other hand
, employees who have a high in payment, have a bigger opportunity to spend their money for their needs. A good
salary
 worker can fulfil their primary needs with a high standard
such
 as a 2-storey big house and a good car.
Furthermore
, they have the possibility to send their kids to prestigious schools and even to talent courses after school like singing, dancing, and others. Indeed with their fee, they wish that their offspring's life will be better and
wealth
Correct your spelling
wealthier
show examples
. In sum,
although
 a big
salary
 has a big impact on the future,
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
 work life is more important to live.
People
 who like their
job
 will get more happiness without being burdened to earn a lot of money.
Submitted by anonymous on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Please work on structuring your essays with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Additionally, make sure to address the essay prompt directly and provide comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use transition words to guide the reader through your arguments and connect your ideas cohesively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: