IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As the world is growing the demand for a higher pay scale has increased compared
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job satisfaction.
However
, there are split opinions about it and both
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own pros and cons.
Therefore
, before making my opinion both views will be discussed. Examining the former view, a group of thinkers support that,
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 wage is more important as expenses nowadays
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 increased and it will help an individual to pay bills like utility, gas , hydro, grocery, personal expenses, etc.
In addition
 to that, it will help to grow one's standard of living. But often research shows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 individuals with higher pay
scale
Fix the agreement mistake
scales
show examples
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 more depressed. The reason behind
this
 is they are not able to enjoy the
work
 given to them, which makes them frustrated
hence
 ending with mental health issues. A mind
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 is stressed is very unproductive, which may lead to workers downfall.
Moreover
, an employee can never achieve success and personal growth.
This
 results in developing bad habits and making cigarettes and alcohol their best friends to relieve stress.
On the contrary
, the other group of thinkers believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a satisfactory job is more healthy and important. In some studies, it is said that when a
work
Fix the agreement mistake
worker
show examples
 does his or her
work
 with all joy and faith , he or she tends to be more successful. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 people who convert their hobbies and passion into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful profit-making
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 like Facebook. An employee
when
Correct word choice
who
show examples
enjoy
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
show examples
the task not only
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps the company's
overall
 growth but
even they
Rephrase
also
show examples
find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
show examples
 a more creative way to finish
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it which results in recognition.
Thus
to conclude
 and give my decision,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that even if we need money to run our daily chores and fulfil the basic necessities of our life,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel that having satisfactory
work
 is way more important.
Submitted by shethstuti9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more comprehensive and impactful. The main points are there, but the essay lacks proper development and support.
task achievement
The response is partial and lacks depth. It needs more comprehensive ideas and specific examples to fully address both views as per the prompt.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: