IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
As the world is growing the demand for a higher pay scale has increased compared
that
Correct word choice
apply
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to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job satisfaction.
However
, there are split opinions about it and both
has
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have
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own pros and cons.
Therefore
, before making my opinion both views will be discussed. Examining the former view, a group of thinkers support that,
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 wage is more important as expenses nowadays
has
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have
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 increased and it will help an individual to pay bills like utility, gas , hydro, grocery, personal expenses, etc.
In addition
 to that, it will help to grow one's standard of living. But often research shows that
,
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apply
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 individuals with higher pay
scale
Fix the agreement mistake
scales
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has
Verb problem
are
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 more depressed. The reason behind
this
 is they are not able to enjoy the
work
 given to them, which makes them frustrated
hence
 ending with mental health issues. A mind
thats
Correct your spelling
that
 is stressed is very unproductive, which may lead to workers downfall.
Moreover
, an employee can never achieve success and personal growth.
This
 results in developing bad habits and making cigarettes and alcohol their best friends to relieve stress.
On the contrary
, the other group of thinkers believe that
,
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apply
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 a satisfactory job is more healthy and important. In some studies, it is said that when a
work
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worker
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 does his or her
work
 with all joy and faith , he or she tends to be more successful. The best example
for
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of
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this
 is
,
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apply
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 people who convert their hobbies and passion into
the
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apply
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successful profit-making
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 like Facebook. An employee
when
Correct word choice
who
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enjoy
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
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the task not only
its
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apply
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helps the company's
overall
 growth but
even they
Rephrase
also
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find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
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 a more creative way to finish
the
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apply
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it which results in recognition.
Thus
to conclude
 and give my decision,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that even if we need money to run our daily chores and fulfil the basic necessities of our life,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel that having satisfactory
work
 is way more important.
Submitted by shethstuti9 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more comprehensive and impactful. The main points are there, but the essay lacks proper development and support.
task achievement
The response is partial and lacks depth. It needs more comprehensive ideas and specific examples to fully address both views as per the prompt.

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