IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie charts give information about the average household consumption in Japan and Malaysia in five categories.

The pie charts give information about the average household consumption in Japan and Malaysia in five categories.
The pie charts give information about the average household consumption in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in five categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that both countries spent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of their income on housing, food and other goods and services.
While
Linking Words
 the figures for healthcare and transport were spent in a lower proportion. In
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, the consumption of housing was 34%, which hit the highest point of total expenditure. The figure for
Japan
Use synonyms
 spent the lower percentage at about 21%. Japanese citizens paid the highest proportion on a range of other goods and services, at 29%, which was slightly more than in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. In terms of food,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 spent slightly higher compared to
Japan
Use synonyms
. The two lowest figures in
Japan
Use synonyms
 were two times higher than in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 . In
Japan
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 accounted for 6% of the total,
while
Linking Words
 20% of household spending went on transport.
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 allocates money for modes of transport and health care at 10% and 3% respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: