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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The process diagram give illustration on the stages involved in the production of dairy and its varieties. Overall, there are 8 different stages in the production of milk. The first few steps takes place in the farm while the last steps are done in the factory. To begin with, Grazing occurs in the farm, It is harvesting by animal instead of by machines. It provides good nutrition and other benefits to the animal. Milk is extracted from the cows by milk machine and the milk is refrigerated. Milk is transferred into milk tanker and milk is delivered daily to the diary. Furthermore, Diary milk is pasteurized and packaged in form of cheese, butter and cream. They are distributed in supermarkets, shops and stores for human consumption. In addition, grazing occurs in the farm and extraction of milk by the milking machine, milk pasteurization and packaging process is done in the factory, and then distributed to shops.

The process diagram give illustration on the stages involved in the production of dairy and its varieties. Overall, there are 8 different stages in the production of milk. The first few steps takes place in the farm while the last steps are done in the factory. To begin with, Grazing occurs in the farm, It is harvesting by animal instead of by machines. It provides good nutrition and other benefits to the animal. Milk is extracted from the cows by milk machine and the milk is refrigerated. Milk is transferred into milk tanker and milk is delivered daily to the diary. Furthermore, Diary milk is pasteurized and packaged in form of cheese, butter and cream. They are distributed in supermarkets, shops and stores for human consumption. In addition, grazing occurs in the farm and extraction of milk by the milking machine, milk pasteurization and packaging process is done in the factory, and then distributed to shops.
The process diagram
give
Change the verb form
gives
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illustration
Add an article
an illustration
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on
Change preposition
of
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 the stages involved in the production of dairy and its varieties.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 8 different stages in the production of
milk
Use synonyms
. The first few steps
takes
Change the verb form
take
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 place
in
Change preposition
on
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 the farm
while
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 steps are done in the factory.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Grazing occurs
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the farm, It is
harvesting
Wrong verb form
harvested
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 by
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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instead
Linking Words
 of by machines. It provides good nutrition and other benefits to the animal.
Milk
Use synonyms
 is extracted from the cows by
Use synonyms
milk
Correct article usage
a milk
show examples
 machine and the
milk
Use synonyms
 is refrigerated.
Milk
Use synonyms
 is transferred into
Use synonyms
milk
Correct article usage
a milk
show examples
 tanker and
milk
Use synonyms
 is delivered daily to the diary.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Diary
milk
Use synonyms
 is pasteurized and packaged in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
 of cheese, butter and cream. They are distributed in supermarkets, shops and stores for human consumption.
In addition
Linking Words
, grazing occurs
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the farm and extraction of
milk
Use synonyms
 by the milking machine,
milk
Use synonyms
 pasteurization and packaging process is done in the factory, and
then
Linking Words
 distributed to shops.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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