IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar , which causes many health problems . Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar .Do you agree or disagree ?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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It is becomingly
increase
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 common that many
manufacture
Replace the word
manufactured
show examples
 goods for eating and drinking use high
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
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 of
sugar
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 and
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
 some health problems. Some
people
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 argue that the
price
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 of
sugar
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 should be higher than now to
limite
Correct your spelling
limit
 the overuse of
sugar
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. From my perspective , I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Admittedly , It is true that eating too much
sugar
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 would cause negative effects on
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , in America ,the foods that
public
Correct article usage
the public
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prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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 to eat
are always contain
Change the verb form
always contain
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many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Change to a plural noun
sugars
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, so
this
Linking Words
 cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity
for
Change preposition
in
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 the community .
Use synonyms
People '
Change noun form
People's
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 s life
become
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becomes
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unconvient
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inconvenient
. They are hard to find suitable clothes or
anxiety
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anxious
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 about their
apprience
Correct your spelling
appliance
experience
. so , it ' s really necessary to control the
sugar
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 use in the daily food and drink.
However
Linking Words
 , increasing
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sugar ' s
Change noun form
sugar's
show examples
price
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 to encourage
people
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eating
Change the verb form
to eat
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 less
sugar
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 is useless
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 negative
etfects
Correct your spelling
effects
for
Change preposition
on
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social
Correct article usage
the social
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 market . To
be gin
Correct your spelling
begin
show examples
 with , the
people
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 who love
the the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sweets would still buy
strgar
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stronger
sugar
star
ever
Correct your spelling
even
show examples
the
Correct word choice
if the
show examples
price
Use synonyms
increase
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 , So they would not effect by the expensive
price
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 .
in addition
Linking Words
,
increase
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Use synonyms
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
sugar
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 would cause products’
price
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
increase
Fix the infinitive
to increase
show examples
 too .
therefore
Linking Words
 , the market would be
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
 products which do not contain
sugar
Use synonyms
 would
also
Linking Words
Change the verb form
be effected
show examples
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 by
this
Linking Words
 change , In conclusion ,
Although
Linking Words
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 use in food and drink is important for
public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s
show examples
bodyhealth
Correct your spelling
body health
. I still do not agree with
increas
Correct your spelling
increasing
increase
 the
price
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 .
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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