IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts illustrate the proportions of some professions of females and males employed in UK in 1992.

The two pie charts illustrate the proportions of some professions of females and males employed in UK in 1992.
The two pie charts illustrate the proportions of some professions of females and
males
Use synonyms
 employed in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 1992. The dominant part of workers in
males
Use synonyms
 and females
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were hired
this
Linking Words
 year was in
non-manual
Add an article
the non-manual
show examples
 managerial and professional sphere. The numbers are 29
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in females and
thirty six
Add a hyphen
thirty-six
show examples
 per cent in
males
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as for
famales
Correct your spelling
females
families
, clerical or other related skills were in demand as well (
thirty one
Add a hyphen
thirty-one
show examples
 per cent)
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can not be said about
males
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 figure
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
show examples
 amount of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
 (six per cent).
In addition
Linking Words
, the situation notes that ladies less are into manual work
that
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 days
whereas
Linking Words
 almost
one half
Add a hyphen
one-half
show examples
 of gentlemen are eager to participate in manual work processes.
It is clear that
Linking Words
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
 or the same careers
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 prefered by men in comparison with what was chosen by women providing 24% and only three
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
accordingly
Linking Words
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not over two per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
 chose general labourers in both genders.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportions" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: