IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people's interest in famous people in the history of their country?

#people #pop #movie #stars #history #country #interest
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Nowadays, it is observed that despite having famous
people
Use synonyms
 in the history of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 country, young adults are more interested in foreign
musicians
Use synonyms
 and movie stars. In my opinion, the two reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are getting used to foreign
cultures
Use synonyms
 and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 quality of
musicians
Use synonyms
 in
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 country,
whereas
Linking Words
 I
also
Linking Words
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 situation may be solved if two steps,
such
Linking Words
 as making national
musicians
Use synonyms
 attractive and keeping young
people
Use synonyms
 away from other
cultures
Use synonyms
, are taken. On the one hand, there are several factors for
this
Linking Words
, and
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the primary ones is thinking
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 that foreign
music
Use synonyms
 and movies are better than national ones.
In other words
Linking Words
, for some countries' teenagers foreign
music
Use synonyms
 is suitable for hearing
due to
Linking Words
 their meanings, beats or being appropriate to teenagers' feelings.
Thus
Linking Words
, there is more attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 songs and movies
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other countries. What's more,
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
 of famous
people
Use synonyms
 in
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
 of a country may be poor and
not-suitable
Correct your spelling
not suitable
show examples
 to hear.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, over time,
people
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's mind is always changing, so songs in history may not be liked by
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, on many social media,
such
Linking Words
 as
Instragram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 and Tik Tok, foreign
music
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 becoming more and more popular.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is highly like that
this
Linking Words
 situation can change if two steps are taken.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if national
musicians
Use synonyms
 create quality songs, young
people
Use synonyms
 may be
attracted
Correct quantifier usage
more attracted
show examples
 to national
music
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 than foreign ones. For doing
this
Linking Words
,
musicians
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 and
film makers
Correct your spelling
film-makers
show examples
 should study young
people
Use synonyms
's feelings, like love, hate,
feeling
Correct word choice
and feeling
show examples
 alone, and
then
Linking Words
 make
music
Use synonyms
 and films suitable for them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if national
music
Use synonyms
 and films have poor quality, teenagers strive
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
cultures
Use synonyms
. If so, their mind can
also
Linking Words
 be like
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 of other
cultures
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 they want to listen to
music
Use synonyms
 as if other nation's
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 listen
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, foreign films and
music
Use synonyms
 should be reduced as much as possible on national TV channels and shows.
Doing
Change preposition
In doing
show examples
 so, young adults may be kept away from other
cultures
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 their
music
Use synonyms
 and movies.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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