IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Nowadays, most
people
 prefer to
work
 a lot without
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
. Of course, there are good benefits for their careers. But other
people
 say that every person should have hobbies, parties and other things in
spare
Correct pronoun usage
their spare
show examples
 time. On the one hand, If you are going to the best
succes
Correct your spelling
success
, you will think only
your
Change preposition
about your
show examples
work
. You should
work
 hard and smartly.
For instance
, Jen Maa works 14
hours
 every day when he organized
" Ali
Correct article usage
the " Ali
show examples
 baba group" company.
Thus
, now he is the richest
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 in China. All of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 recognize him in the world. He
advice
Replace the word
advises
show examples
: "
love
Correct your spelling
Love
show examples
 your job,
work
 for
own
Correct pronoun usage
your own
show examples
 success".
On the other hand
, there are a number of bad situations with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
hours
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
. Because it gives stress.
For example
, several
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
 die from
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 stress every year in Japan. Japanese
people
work
 at least 10
hours
 a day.
Thus
, a lot of
psixologic
Correct your spelling
biologic
 scientists advise that if you love your job, you may
work
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
long
hours
. But if you are tired, you should stop and train other habits. Sometimes, leisure activities are helped
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 smarter
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 before you did it. In my conclusion,
although
, working
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
hours'
Change noun form
hours
show examples
 benefits, there are benefits regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
leisure activities.
Submitted by chartakinnovation on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: