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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph illustrates the differences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
, towns, and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 between 1995 and 2010. It highlights the based on
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, for 15 years, an average
number
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approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 choose to live in urban
areas
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. Meanwhile, the
people
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live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in town are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 steady for both
people
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 who were born in
Australian
Correct your spelling
Australia
show examples
 and who were not. The
number
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 of
people
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 who live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is decreasing significantly. In 1995,
people
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 living in towns has the lowest
number
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 compared to the
cities
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 and rural
areas
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.
However
Linking Words
, the data shows that rural
areas
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 are averagely populated by 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in Australia. In 2010, the
number
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 of
people
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 who
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in the
cities
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remains
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 high about
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average
70
Change preposition
of 70
show examples
percent
Use synonyms
. The differences between
people
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 who live in
cities
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 and outside the
cities
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 are remarkably high which shows
appproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 70
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 differences. The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is the lowest.
Submitted by sarasaur.sq on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, areas, number, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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