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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many schools students have to do physical activities. What are the benefits of physical activities? Are some activities more beneficial for students?

In many
,
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apply
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schools
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schools,
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 it is enforced for a student to do some physical
activities
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. I believe there are many positive outcomes in doing exercise.
Linking Words
also
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Also
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,
this
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 essay will outline some other beneficial
activities
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.
one
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One
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 benefit is that doing physical
activities
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prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
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 obesity in
student
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students
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.
actually
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Actually
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, by doing exercise
students
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, students
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 would
boil
Verb problem
build
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 strong muscles and a healthy body.
As a result
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 of
this
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, they might not be overweight as they are in a sit-down position long time in school.
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for
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For
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 instance,exercising one hour a day may help them so much. Another benefit is that physical
activities
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 might cause more focus and retain information
also
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, improving pupils' test scores.
as
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As
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 exercise has several valuable impacts on brain function.
to
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To
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 say, doing physical
activities
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 in the morning before classes might improve students'
function
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performance
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 in lessons.
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although
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Although
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,
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apply
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 there are some more beneficial
activities
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.
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example, creative
activities
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such
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 as art
,
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apply
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 and theatre
which
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, which
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 Foster pupils' creativity and imagination.
As they
Change preposition
They
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 should do creative
activities
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 with their visualisation.
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furthermore
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Furthermore
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,
activities
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 which are focused on community service would have more positive outcomes.
to
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To
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 say, these
activities
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 help students to develop their social emotions
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as empathy.
with
Change preposition
by
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 helping people and servicing their community. In conclusion, there are many benefits to physical
activities
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such
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, such
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 as preventing obesity and enhancing brain function.
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however
Fix capitalization
However
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, there are some
activities
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 with more positive outcomes
like
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, like
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 creative
activities
Use synonyms
 and
activities
Use synonyms
 focused on community.

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structure
Make your plan clear. Start with what you will talk about, then give your ideas in order.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell some words. Use full sentences.
vocabulary
Use simple words. Put key ideas in easy form. Do not use hard words.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like and, but, also, for example to keep flow.
content
You show the idea that exercise helps health and study.
content
You give examples to back up ideas.
structure
There is a closing line that wraps up the idea.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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