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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#responsibility #schools #behaviour #addition #education
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Most people nowadays hold a similar view that institutions have the responsibility to teach recruitment not only knowledge but
also
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 behaviour. The following essay agrees that schools need to teach both ability and behaviour. It is vital to understand that admission is the future of all countries and education is the key to unlocking that future.
Therefore
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, pupils need to
have
Verb problem
be
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 well-educated in morality and formal education.
This
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 is because, young will need a lot of skills when they grow up, they need to
have weel-behaved
Wrong verb form
be well behaved
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 and have a deep grasp if they want to get good jobs which
have weel-paid
Wrong verb form
are well paid
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. Nguyen Khuyen
high school
Correct your spelling
High School
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 is a prime example, where recruitment taught many subjects about life skills and how to be more active in working. Those subjects will prepare enough skills for teenagers for their future. Another point of consideration is that teaching the way children should behave can help institutions create a good environment for studying. There is no doubt that young can be affected by adults. They can learn how to become like adults who they think are cool or talented.
As a result
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, there can be bad things which are learned by admission, so having well-educated can help these young brains be aware of what they should learn and do.
For instance
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, the Vietnamese government have held a lot of events where pupils can understand and
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 about the drawbacks of using drugs and drinking alcohol. Thanks to these occasions, there are fewer teenagers using drugs in Vietnam. Taking everything into account, schools have the responsibility to teach their enlistment to have good morality and deep intelligence.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay has demonstrated clear points to support teaching both morality and formal education at faculty.
Submitted by lnthanhvy06 on

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task response
The task response could be improved by addressing the specific aspects of 'good behavior' that schools should teach, and by presenting a clear opinion on the extent to which schools should be responsible for teaching good behavior.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence and cohesion can be improved by organizing the ideas in a more structured and logical manner, such as using clear topic sentences and supporting details for each main point. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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