IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people tend to watch foreign movies, so the local government should ancourage the development of local film industry. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #movies #government #ancourage #development #film #industry
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Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly common for
people
 to watch foreign
movies
 rather than local
movies
.
However
, there is a declining number of
people
 watching local
films
. I firmly agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should encourage the development of local
industry
 for 2 main reasons. The main reason is to preserve the national identity. By helping the
film
industry
, the
government
 helps to show citizens about the culture, habits, and beliefs of some periods in a country.
Moreover
, the young generation can learn more about national identity through local
films
. For illustration, a
film
 from Indonesia, titled Kabayan, shows
people
 how Javanese citizens live in Java.
As a result
, society can easily understand some cultures in their country and keep them as their national integrity. The following reason is to support local
actors
 and artists. By encouraging local
movies
, the
government
make
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 huge opportunities for local
actors
 and artists.
Actors
 and artists can improve their talents in entertainment. For illustration, a talented actor will get a job easily if there are many local
film
 industries offering to cast them.
Consequently
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be the best
actors
 that can compete internationally. It means they will show the quality of the arts and
films
 of their country to others.
To sum up
, more and more
people
 opt to watch foreign
movies
 to local
movies
. It makes the market and the number of
people
 watching domestic
films
 will fall every year.
However
, the
government
 needs to take a chance to help the domestic
film
industry
 because it preserves the national character and
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 the local
actors
 and
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
.
That is
 why I am strongly convinced that helping the local movie
industry
 is a wise decision.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the question prompt. Pay attention to providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical flow throughout the essay. Use transition words to connect ideas and improve coherence.
Task Response
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively address the topic.
Task Response
Well-supported main points with relevant examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Effective use of transition words to create a coherent structure in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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