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Band 6

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
Without any
doubts
Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
show examples
, leaving
families
 or
friends
 in order to work in other places
on
Add a missing verb
is on
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 the rise
around
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 today.
Although
 moving away
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 work might bring some crucial lessons,
such
 as being independent and confident, I believe that
this
 trend can be characterized as more of a disadvantageous development rather than an advantageous
one
. It could be argued that moving away from relatives and
friends
 may present essential benefits. For
one
, it can help to improve self-confidence skills
due to
people
 should run their business without anybody’s help. A case in point,
if
Add a missing verb
is if
show examples
people
 live far away from their parents, they not only learn cooking or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 housework, but
also
 they must pay bills themselves. Another fundamental reason is living and working far away may
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 the horizon of
people
. To put it differently, if
people
 live themselves there are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 close
people
 that they turn to advice for them. With that in mind, in spite of facing difficulties, they attempt to find an appropriate measure relying on their mind and beliefs. Having said that, I believe leaving
families
 or
friends
also
 offers major disadvantages a lot
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 merits.
One
 major reason is a multitude of
people
 have been working
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard works in other countries for less money.
As a consequence
 of overworking, they lose their health straightforwardly. Another major factor
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 if
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
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 home to earn some money, it might bring negative effects
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his children
as well as
 other family members.
In other words
, the more both man and his family miss their past and do not want to live
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 lifestyle, the more their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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,
Correct word choice
and willing
show examples
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
 would
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
change. With that in mind, there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may be
displeasures
Fix the agreement mistake
displeasure
show examples
 in
this
 kind of
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
.
To sum up
, it is undeniable that living far from
friends
 and
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 to work may bring some positives, that said, I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
 trend outweigh than former
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
.
Submitted by moxinurabjalilova on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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