IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of tourists to the city of England,Brighton who visited four various entertainment attractions.
This
Linking Words
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
 contains 4 linear graphs
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
each one is a representation of
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 gallery,
Use synonyms
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
,
pier
Use synonyms
 and festival,
Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
 2 of them have
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
tendency
Change the noun form
tendencies
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 and
pier
Use synonyms
 attractions and
decreasement
Correct your spelling
decrease meant
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 festival and art gallery social
enjoyments
Fix the agreement mistake
enjoyment
show examples
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
seen
Add the auxiliary verb
is seen
show examples
 from the
graph
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 had a sharp
increase
Use synonyms
 during 1980-1995,which
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,later was replaced by
downfall
Correct article usage
a downfall
show examples
 till the end of
Use synonyms
graph
Add an article
the graph
show examples
.Meanwhile,
pier
Use synonyms
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 had wild fluctuations from the 1980s to
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
.Both of them generally increased from the start till the end of the time period.
Pier
Use synonyms
begun
Add the auxiliary verb
began
show examples
 at 20%
percentage
Use synonyms
 point and ended at a little higher than 20%
percentage
Use synonyms
 point,whilst
Use synonyms
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 started nearly at the half of 20% and 30% and finished at 30%
percentage
Use synonyms
 mark,resulting in
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
%
increase
Use synonyms
 of
pier
Use synonyms
line
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
paviliion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
pavilions
 linear had nearly 7% rise,which means that even if
Use synonyms
pavillion
Correct your spelling
pavilion
 was the highest
line
Use synonyms
 amongst the others,it had too vast inconsistency that made it
overall
Linking Words
increase
Use synonyms
 a bit less than
pier
Use synonyms
's
line
Use synonyms
graph
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, graph, percentage, pavillion, pier, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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