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Band 4.5

Children should play online games nowadays. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.

#children #games
Children
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between the age of 4
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 18
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to play
video
games
 to
waste
 their
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finding new
games
 to play on.
Video
games
 have purchased several new
games
 for the
children
 to play on.
This
 essay will discuss the advantages and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
 to play
video
games
. First , there are some advantages for
children
 to play
video
games
.
How ever
Correct your spelling
However
show examples
, in
this
case
Add the comma(s)
,case
show examples
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 a
waste
 of
time
 for the
kids
 to use their own device to play some new
games
.
Therefore
, in
this
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 the
kids
 will not disturb their
parents
while
 they are doing some work. The
kids
 could
also
 learn some new techniques on how to play the
games
 and
also
 learn some new wordings from
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
games
.
Kids
 between the age of 4
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 18 they must have something to
waste
 their
time
 on
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are some new hints for the
kids
 must learn how to solve it.
Children
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 to play sports
games
for example
 shooting
games
 or basketball
games
 in
this
 way they could learn
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to play .
However
, there are some disadvantages for
children
 to play online
games
.
First
Add a comma
,First
show examples
 if the
children
keeps
Change the verb form
keep
show examples
 on playing for hours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their device it
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
 their eyes if the
children
keeps
Change the verb form
keep
show examples
 on playing for the whole day.
Secondly
, there are some bad things for the
kids
 to learn
while
children
 are playing
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for instance
 there are some bad people to meet
while
 the
kids
 are playing, In
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 their
parents
 have to teach their babies not to create any group with other they meet when the
kids
 are playing,
parents
 have to put some rules in order not to do
this
 thing anymore.
However
, there is one wrong way to do if the
kids
meets
Change the verb form
meet
show examples
 other people from
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 country and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
join online
this
 is a very bad thing to do because sometimes these people
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 them bad words and the
kids
 don't have to learn these bad issues
while
 the
kids
 are playing.
To conclude
, babies must play
video
games
 it
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
waste
 of
time
 for the
kids
 to play.
Video
games
 are
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 all around the world.
Hopefully
Add a comma
,Hopefully
show examples
 the
parents
 could teach their
kids
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to join online groups
while
 the
kids
 are playing.
Submitted by dr.yushi on

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