IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less and less time with their parents. What is the reason for this? What problems can this cause?

Many contemporary families have mothers and fathers working
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
as a consequence
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are spending less time with their offspring. The main cause is an increasing number of graduated
females
Check wording
graduates
show examples
 from universities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the primary problems are
misbehaviour
Correct article usage
the misbehaviour
show examples
 of their
children
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 will grow up without their
parents
Use synonyms
' love. Nowadays, women are attending schools more than before. In the past, the number of female students was quite low
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 families preferred to keep their daughters at home to help their mothers in
Correct article usage
the households
show examples
households
Fix the agreement mistake
household
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, people were generally poor to afford school expenses
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 education institutes were not so common.
For example
Linking Words
, in Turkey, currently, the number of female pupils is nearly the same
compared
Change preposition
as compared
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 men
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 in some cities
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 are the majority. If both
parents
Use synonyms
 are working during the day, they need to hire a babysitter for their offspring .
As a result
Linking Words
, they will not be able to use most of their time with their
children
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is so important for them. Another issue is that
children
Use synonyms
 will behave differently
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 because they have no
roll-model
Use the right word
role model
show examples
 to imitate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
as a consequence
Linking Words
, they will act like they see
either
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on TV or the people who are taking care of them during working hours.
For instance
Linking Words
, in France, one
research
Check wording
study
show examples
 showed that a baby who is raised by a babysitter started to speak the first mother tongue of his carer
instead
Linking Words
 of the baby's
parents
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, women are enrolling in third-level education more than before and,
hence
Linking Words
, babies are raised without their
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, offspring are
acting not
Correct word order
not acting
show examples
 like their
parents
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are growing up
lack of
Wrong verb form
lacking
show examples
 love from their
parents
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Explain your main idea in a clear thesis at the start. Then give two or three reasons with easy examples.
coherence cohesion
Put the best ideas in order. Use linking words to show how ideas connect.
coherence cohesion
Be simple and fix any grammar. Keep to one idea per paragraph.
idea
Some good ideas show how education can cut time with kids.
example
The essay uses examples from more than one country.
structure
It ends with a clear note on the topic.
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