IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?

#times #growth #countries
Nowadays, we cannot deny that the growth of the economy is a significant indicator in many
countries
. Economic development has been rapidly growing all around the globe, helping a large number of populations to become millionaires, both in developed and developing
countries
.
Nevertheless
, their feelings in developed
countries
 are not as good as expected when compared with the past. In
this
 essay, I will show some of the reasons and what can be learnt. First of all, because the strategy of corporations in the developed
countries
 needs lots of increasing production that makes most employees have to
work
 for long hours,
furthermore
 they have to
work
stress
Change preposition
under stress
show examples
 or pressure caused by the chief and their
work
.
This
 reason affects reducing good
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 which leads to mental health problems and
burn out
Correct your spelling
burnout
show examples
 in the future.
For example
, the most common mental health problems
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 depression, anxiety, stress and
bi-polar
Correct your spelling
bipolar
show examples
 disorder
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have been found in workers under pressure for many years.
Secondly
, earning high salaries is caused by economic development that leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high cost of living.
Besides
, it makes more expensive foods and goods. At the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 people have to
work
 hard and arrange a budget to adequate more expensive spending.
This
 reason is another factor that can lead to a less happy level in
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 life.
Consequently
, the economic progress illustrates
although
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 money is becoming easy to earn. But it has negative results which are relevant to physical, mental health and high cost of living. These results are the top problem in developed
countries
 that reduce the happiness of populations.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: