IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that children should learn all the subjects equally. Whereas other think that they should only learn what they are intrested in. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #subjects
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It is
little
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a little
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 bit hard to keep
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
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whether
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on whether
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children
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 should learn all the
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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. some people think it should.
However
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, some people think
children
Use synonyms
 should only learn the
subject
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 which their interested in. In
this
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 article, I will in illustrate both views and declare my opinion. On the one hand,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 all the
subjects
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 equally
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 two main benefits to
children
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. First of all, learning some specific
subject
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 allows
children
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 to improve their ability. math and English are the essential
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subject
Change the noun form
subjects
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 in our life.
This
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 is because we can’t without calculation and communication. To be more specific, if
children
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 dislike Math and
didn’t
Wrong verb form
don’t
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 learn anything about math,
then
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it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can’t solve
out
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apply
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a simple calculation during their daily life. Socialization is another advantage of learning all the
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 equally.
In other words
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, learning all the
subjects
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 equally allows us to do social
movement
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movements
show examples
 successfully.
For example
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, if you are
in
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at
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 a social event,
we
Correct pronoun usage
you
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 can easily talk with
other
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others
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 using
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subject
Add an article
the subject
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 topic as a chat theme. If we do not learn, it is hard to communicate when we first meet a stranger.
Therefore
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, learning all the
subjects
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 is a beneficial experience.
On the other hand
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, learning
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 which
children
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interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
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 in cannot be ignored.
To begin
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 with, motivation has proved to be possible to study.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that study motivation is
product
Correct article usage
the product
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by interesting
Change preposition
of interest
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. if
children
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. Keep learning
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subject
Correct article usage
the subject
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 which
its
Correct pronoun usage
you
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 dislike., they will definitely hate it.
Moreover
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, it is necessary for teachers to improve their class content. The more interesting in class, the more
children
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like
Correct pronoun usage
like it
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 many believe that
children
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 should
learning
Change the verb form
learn
be learning
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Correct subject-verb agreement
subjects
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what
Correct word choice
that
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 they are interested in. I still think
children
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 should learn all the
subjects
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 equally
should
Correct word choice
and should
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 be supported.
Submitted by 530021024 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to clearly highlight the introduction and conclusion to enhance your essay's structure. Use clear introductory and concluding phrases.
supported main points
Ensure that each paragraph contains a main idea that is clearly developed and well-supported with examples or reasoning.
complete response
Make sure to stay on topic throughout and avoid any irrelevant details or tangents.
relevant specific examples
Aim to provide more specific examples and details to substantiate your main arguments.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of outlining both views regarding the topic, which is essential for a discussion essay task.
logical structure
You have included a separate paragraph for each contrasting viewpoint, which aids in clarity and distinction.
coherence cohesion
The paragraphs are focused on specific points of discussion, maintaining consistency in the argument presented.
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