IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to motivate employees is to increase their salaries. Do you agree with this statement? Are there any other ways to encourage employees to work more efficiently? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words

#employees #salaries #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays the
work
Use synonyms
 environment is more often filled with stressed people who are not enjoying their mansion. Many factors make
this
Linking Words
 unsatisfaction. Some people believe that the best way to motivate employees is to
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 their salaries. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 it can help in several situations but I don't think the salary is the only factor to be solved. In our
society
Add a comma
,society
show examples
 every aspect of life became sadly connected to money. In fact, the standard of each family depends on the amount of money earned at
work
Use synonyms
. That's why
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher pay can motivate the workers and their will to wake up enthusiastic.
However
Linking Words
, there are some situations where money can't solve the bad conditions
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they spend their time
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
commitment
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 a receptionist can't be motivated to
work
Use synonyms
 if the laptop she uses with the clients is slow and shabby.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
low willpower is
also
Linking Words
 caused by a lack of hygiene or safety. In relation
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 what I mentioned early, there are other ways to make the quality of
work
Use synonyms
 better and
satisfying
Correct quantifier usage
more satisfying
show examples
. It might be the case of clean offices and
well furnished
Add a hyphen
well-furnished
show examples
 workplaces. A peaceful environment cheers the workers
as well as
Linking Words
kind
Correct article usage
the kind
show examples
 staff. To
work
Use synonyms
 more efficiently people can
also
Linking Words
 find personal strategies
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 bringing a tasty snack or a little plant to decorate their spot. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
generous pay
at the end
Linking Words
 of the month is not the only relief
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees unmotivated. Bosses should encourage their partners to build together a nice and welcomed space where everyone feels safe and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 peace in order to enjoy their day doing their job.
Submitted by gaiamilesi2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: