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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparision where relevant.

the charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparision where relevant.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english #summarise #information #features #comparision
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The pie chart below
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the percentages of
British
Use synonyms
student
Use synonyms
 at one university in England who were able to express another
language
Use synonyms
 in incorporation to English between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can
observed
Change the verb form
observe
show examples
 in
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart that there are three different
language
Use synonyms
show
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
, french,
spanish
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
german
Correct your spelling
German
show examples
, and
Use synonyms
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can
spoke
Change the verb form
speak
show examples
Use synonyms
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
langauge
Correct your spelling
language
 over another
language
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, and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the german
show examples
german
Correct your spelling
German
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 has been less used by
Use synonyms
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 2000 and 2010,
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 able to
spoken
Add a missing verb
be spoken
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 is
Use synonyms
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
, which is
Use synonyms
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
a ratio
show examples
 of 30 to 35
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
, Regarding 2000, Two other
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
german
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 that only able to spoke by only 10%
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of student
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 another
langauge
Correct your spelling
language
 and french having eual amount syudent can able to express, which is 15 %
student
Use synonyms
 can able. 20%
Use synonyms
student
Change preposition
of student
show examples
 could not able to
spoke
Wrong verb form
speak
show examples
antother
Correct your spelling
another
language
Use synonyms
 in 2000. About 2010, Two other
lanaguage
Correct your spelling
language
languages
, French,
German
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, and no other
lanaguage
Correct your spelling
language
having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
, where
Use synonyms
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can able to
spoke
Change the form of the verb
speak
show examples
 only 10%
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 that languages.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 between 2000 and 2010
language
Use synonyms
 of
German
Use synonyms
, and
another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 two
langauge
Correct your spelling
languages
 can able to
spoken
Change the form of the verb
speak
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
british
Change the capitalization
British
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 was
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 proportion which is 10%,
Use synonyms
Spanish
Correct article usage
the Spanish
show examples
language
Use synonyms
ratio
Use synonyms
 was highest in both
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 it was nearly
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
 only 5%
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to both
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. Another
language
Use synonyms
 can
spoke
Change the verb form
speak
show examples
 in 2000 is 13%,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010 was 20%.
Submitted by panetariyaragini78 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words british, student, language, spanish, german, ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "express" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
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