IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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In most parts of the world, there is a fixed
age
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 to get retire, mid 60's
for instance
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. Most
people
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 deny
this
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 and believe that certain jobs require an early
retirement
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. I completely agree with
this
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 notion and will explain why and which type of workers need early
time
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 off in
this
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 essay
further
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. Those who favour early
retirement
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 believe that it gives quality
time
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 for their own life and family.
People
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 are working for companies which results in no
time
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 for family or to pursue their interests.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 work far away from their household and barely get
time
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 off to spend with their loved ones. Having
retirement
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 at an early
age
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 could lead to enjoyment of their lives with families and friends. In my opinion, individuals who work in the army, mines, and long-route truck drivers deserve an early
retirement
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. In the army,
people
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 live far away from their families, in mines
people
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 deal with harmful substances every day that could result in serious diseases, and
lastly
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 truck drivers for long hours every day. if
such
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 workers retired at an early
age
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this
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 will be helpful for both individuals and society as the risks associated with the jobs would get decreased and individually they will enjoy their lives.
To conclude
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,
this
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 is unfair to have the same
age
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 of
retirement
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 for almost all workers. Some jobs like army, mines, and drivers deserve an early
retirement
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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