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Band 5.5

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #study #lack #workers #electricians #plumbers
People nowadays have more freedom and more options
what
Change preposition
for what
show examples
 to do in life. A high
number
 of individuals choose academic studies at universities
while
 others think that people must be given encouragement to do vocational training
due to
 the low
number
 of skilled
workers
such
 as electricians and plumbers. I completely agree with the latter
viewpoint
Replace the word
view
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 because usually the training cost is not expensive and many businesses
Correct pronoun usage
that depends
show examples
depends
Change the verb form
depend
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 on these
workers
 will possibly close. Individuals who will choose vocational education do not need to spend a large amount of money because it is usually cheaper than studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a university. Aside from that, they will earn a living much faster since they can immediately apply the skills they have acquired.
For instance
, TESDA is an agency in the Philippines. It trains and educates people free of charge who want to pursue technical and vocational jobs. These
workers
 were able to go abroad and send financial aid to their families.
Furthermore
, vocational
workers
 are extremely vital in many businesses today without them,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will not run and might close eventually.
For instance
, construction companies in Dubai
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
employ
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
number
 of skilled construction
workers
.
Although
, they hire many engineers and other professional jobs the
number
 of non-professional
workers
 is still higher.
However
, employees from those big companies receive a low salary which is not enough in our time. In conclusion, vocational education must be given attention
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 because
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 are cheaper than attending university and
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the
workers
 are needed by businesses today.
Submitted by angeline07 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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