IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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Nowadays, there is an opinion that unpaid public
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 should be a necessary part of high school programs. Personally, I tend to think that compulsory community services will have an incomparable effect on building students'
behavior
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behaviour
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 towards the environment and increasing their sense of responsibility.
Firstly
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, it is well known that imperceptible things
such
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 as working at charities, improving the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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, and teaching sports to younger children are
also
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 significant for society. What I mean here is that a human's perception of these minor phenomena shows his sense of duty. One of the main reasons behind
this
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 is how people relate to valuable items for them.
For example
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, American scientists have found that in cities where people care about their
neighbors
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neighbours
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 and their hometown, acts of vandalism are much less common.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government not only protects the environment but
also
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 nurtures society's ethics.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can be argued that it is a good opportunity for students to reinforce their
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portfolios
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portfolio
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portfolios
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 with soft skills.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, the availability of soft skills
such
Linking Words
 as participation in charities enhances their chances for education abroad.
For example
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, to
enroll
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enrol
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 in prestigious universities in the USA or UK, applicants should have a strong portfolio with hard and soft skills.
Therefore
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, including unpaid community
works
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work
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 is important for high schoolers. In conclusion, considering everything mentioned, we can say that people tend to believe that mandatory social work services ought to be included in high school educational programs.
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task achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples to provide a stronger connection to your main points. While mentioning American scientists and the impact of community care on vandalism, more specific detail or statistics could enhance the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow of your essay. Although your essay is well structured, adding a variety of complex sentences and clearer transitions can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure all paragraphs directly support your thesis and each contains a clear main idea. Expand on the benefits of community service, not just from a societal perspective but also in terms of personal growth.
coherence and cohesion
To further improve your coherence and cohesion, link your conclusion more directly to the points made in your essay body. Restating your main arguments and emphasizing the implications can strengthen your conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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