IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Nowadays,
sugar
 is one of the important components of the food and drink industry. Many
people
 think that overconsumption can lead to serious problems and advice increasing the price of sugary
products
. I partly agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 ,essay I will look at both sides of the argument. There is no doubt that
sugar
 tends to lead
serious
Change preposition
to serious
show examples
 diseases.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fizzy drink has a high percentage of
sugar
 and drinking a lot cause obesity and overweight. To tackle
this
 problem government should increase the price of these drinks and control the amount of these
products
.
Also
, sweets and candies can create an addiction after consuming them for a long period. So, doctors say that
people
 who try to eat less sugary
products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are healthier and more active than others. If we explain
this
 fact properly, we can reach our results without increasing prices.
On the other hand
, many
people
 work in the industry of chocolate, fizzy drinks and others. In my opinion, high prices for these
products
 can create difficulties for these companies. And many of them will try to decrease their spending by firing and shorting employees.
Moreover
, it will have big economical issues for some spheres of our community. In conclusion, it is a common belief that rising the price can motivate
people
 not to buy
products
 which contain
sugar
.
However
,
this
 kind of method can have serious effects on other parts of our
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and before taking action we should estimate all drawbacks and pluses of
this
.
Submitted by wind1y998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: