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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Fossil fuels like coal, gas, and oil are the primary sources of energy for most countries. However, there are alternative energy sources like wind power and solar energy that have been encouraged for use by some countries. To what extent is this a negative or a positive advancement?

#fuels #gas #oil #sources #energy #countries #alternative #wind #power #advancement
Nowadays, petrol, diesel and natural gases are the most common
sources
 of
energy
using in
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 globally. But some countries trying to deviate from that, they use some other product to fulfil their requirements.
According to
 my point of view, it is a positive development because the remaining natural power
sources
 are in minimum stock and
also
 these fuels are the main cause of global warming.
Firstly
, the
energy
 sector holds a paramount part of the world economy,
due to
 recent technological advancement and transport development
energy
 consumption increased unprecedently.
This
 demand mainly relies on natural resources and
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 leads to the quick depletion of these resources. If countries
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about alternative fuels it will be a great problem in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future.
For instance
, recently South Africa faced a nationwide blackout for long hours
due to
 fuel shortage because their electricity supply mainly depends on conventional
sources
.
Therefore
 every nation in the world must draw their attention to other power-generating
sources
instead
 of fossil fuels.
Secondly
, increasing global warming is the major environmental problem humans
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 future and even today. The main reason for
this
 global warming is the burning of fossil
energy
. To reduce
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 effects world
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 now moving to renewable
energy
.
For example
, renewable
sources
 like solar and wind power never eliminate harmful gases which caused increasing environmental temperature.
Hence
 the usage of
this
 kind of method is highly beneficial in terms of conserving the planet. In conclusion, some nations tend to use new
energy
-generating
sources
 like solar and wind power
instead
 of fossil
energy
.
This
 is a positive move because of its help to conservation of fossil fuel
sources
 and its help to decrease global warming.
Submitted by priyanthaj309 on

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task response
Ensure that your supporting points are clearly linked to the main topic and develop a more balanced discussion of the positive and negative aspects of using alternative energy sources.
coherence and cohesion
You have made a good effort in presenting your ideas in a clear and organized manner. To improve further, ensure that your ideas are logically connected and use cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay.

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