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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph illustrates the proportion of inhabitants of different generations going to the cinema once a month or more in a citizen of Europe between 2000 and 2011.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of inhabitants of different generations going to the cinema once a month or more in a citizen of Europe between 2000 and 2011.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of inhabitants of different generations going to the cinema once a month or more in a citizen of Europe between 2000 and 2011. In general,
it is clear that
 the most of
people
 who went
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 movie
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 11
years
. At the beginning of
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
, the percentage of citizens
low
Add a missing verb
was low
show examples
 at under 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2000, the proportion of the offspring who go to
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 was 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half as much as that of the
people
 from 25 to 30
years
 old. There was a slight growth to under 25
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the children and the young in 2007. From 2007 to 2011, the
figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children and young
people
 rose sharply to 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. There was
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proportion of senior citizens
whereas
 the
figure
 for
people
 from 15 to 24
years
 old stood at 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000. A stable remain was seen in the percentage of
people
 from 35 or over through the 7
years
 period until 2008 the
figure
 for that went up gradually.
Besides
, the percentage of teenagers who go
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 cinema rose dramatically to a peak of 55
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2010. At 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, the
figure
 for
people
 from 15 to 24 who go
Change preposition
to movie
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 was 5
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 that of senior citizens in 2011.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years, percent, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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