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Band 5.5

More and more students choose to move to other countries to study their higher education. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

#students #move #countries #study #education #outweigh
Nowadays it is common to go abroad. A lot of undergraduates prefer to go overseas for higher study. I believe that its benefits
are overlapping
Wrong verb form
overlap with
show examples
 its problems. To commence with, the most obvious advantage of studying overseas is that
students
 can learn new skills and boost confidence. To explain, most
students
 are taking a loan from banks in their home country to pay college or
universities fee
Fix the agreement mistake
university fees
show examples
due to
 which he has to come and work abroad so that they can pay the next year's fees and repay the loan.
Due to
this
, they can learn different skills and gain experience in their life.
For instance
, in Canada, 70% of
students
 are doing their work with their studies.
As a result
,
students
 do not worry about their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 after graduation because they have a lot of confidence to crack the interview.
Moreover
, they will meet different cultures and people, and learn a lot from their culture by which they gain their knowledge. To explicate it, people came from different nations so everybody is new to each other.
In addition
 to
this
, scholars get a good package after completing their graduation by which they live a good lifestyle and do not depend on anyone. They can make new friends during their studies and it is
also
 beneficial for business or any help in the future.
Hence
, undergraduates get help from each other and learn different traditions from them. In conclusion, it is true that scholars have more benefits from pursuing higher studies in foreign countries
such
 as higher packages, different cultures, learning new skills, and gaining experience in life.
Submitted by arshpreetmalkana on

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task achievement
Address the task fully and present a clear position throughout the response. Develop main ideas coherently and provide relevant, specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Organize information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. Use cohesive devices effectively, but some issues with logical structure and development of supporting ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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