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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The given chart compares the habit of doing regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in various age groups.
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 tended to do more regular physical activity than
men
Use synonyms
.
Men
Use synonyms
 between 15 to 24 years old showed the strongest
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 regularly, which accounted for slightly more than half. The
group
Use synonyms
 over 65 was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place, with just under 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Group
Use synonyms
 55 to 64 came
third,
Linking Words
which was made up 45 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The following were
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 45 to 54 and 25 to 34, which
contitued
Correct your spelling
continued
constituted
 slightly above 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The
men
Use synonyms
 from 35 to 40 were least willing
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
 regular physical
exercise
Use synonyms
, with only less than 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the least percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 over 65 years old
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who exercise
show examples
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercised
show examples
 regularly, with slightly above three
quarter
Fix the agreement mistake
quarters
show examples
, which was almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
men
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
 from 15 to 24
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made up less than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half, which was fewer than
men
Use synonyms
. In the remaining
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
,group
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 did more regular physical activities than
men
Use synonyms
, and among them,
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 45 to 54 showed the strongest
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
, with 53.3 per
cent
Use synonyms
. The
folloing
Correct your spelling
following
 were
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 55 to 64, 35 to 44 and 25 to 34, which
costitued
Correct your spelling
constituted
 53%, 52.5%,
just
Correct word choice
and just
show examples
 under 50%, respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words exercise, men, women, group, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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